


ACUMEN

by KAMUEL



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys In Love, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Ignis thinks too much, M/M, Noctis is relentless, Romance, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-11-18 10:22:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18118877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KAMUEL/pseuds/KAMUEL
Summary: Ignis finds himself caught between two stools: his vows toward The King and his daily duties toward Noctis. He's convinced there's no room left for any feelings that go beyond his responsibilities. Until Noctis does something unusual, something so outrageous which forces Ignis to suddenly think outside the safe box he carefully crafted for himself.---Update will follow at the end of next week. I'll take a break over the holidays.  Happy Easter everyone!





	1. Thunder Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Hey dear readers, 
> 
> some of you might recognize the plot of this story. Way back in the year 2016 this one was called 'Old Rhymes of Desire', written with awfully bad English language skills, ha. Since then, this story has gone through several revisions and even a professional editing session.
> 
> ACUMEN is complete with a total of seven chapters. I'll be uploading one chapter per week, I still have to edit some minor things.
> 
> Please let me know what you think :D! Happy reading!
> 
> Have a great day everyone,  
> Kamuel

* * *

 

 

After ten years of loyal duty and friendship, nothing about Noct should surprise me anymore. Yet here I am, all by myself in his quiet trash heap of a bedroom, proven wrong once again. I’m in shock, hands stuck holding onto a pile of filthy school clothes. My eyes are glued to the scene of the crime. If Noct walked in right at this moment, I wouldn't know how to react. I wouldn't even know what to say.

Until this moment, I believed I'd be a man of steel; strong-hearted enough to stand resolute in the face of every explosion of whim from Noct’s moody and eventful adolescence. But this? The outrageous cover of an x-rated magazine scorches my eyes through my glasses. The content obviously wasn't intended for my virginal gaze; it certainly wasn't something I expected from someone as sheltered as my friend. A small part of my mind keeps yelling at me: “But he’s so shy! He’s so introverted!”

If only I’d known what I’d find underneath this festering pile of laundry, I wouldn't have dared touch it with a ten-foot pole. I could have spared myself this headache of a revelation if I had just resumed vacuuming the bedroom in peace and moved around the garbage. A small part of me curses my commitment to thoroughness: my only weakness, apparently.

That and the magazine. Heavens, my face heats up to the roots of my hair as I stare at the provocative cover. The scandalous sexual positions the male models have taken are downright obscene. What is this bizarre compulsion to continue looking? As much as I tell myself to look away, I find myself unable to. Is it morbid of me, this fascination? My eyes stare at the exposed private parts. I feel myself trapped by the indecent images within. How was Noct able to hide something like this all this time?

The sudden discovery of this raunchy paper destroys everything I ever thought I knew about my friend. He’d never openly shown interest in either romance or sex—at least not that I can remember. That's a topic I've never really dared approach nor dive into myself for, well, personal reasons. This magazine opens a gate to _something_ I’d always tried to ignore… everything I was ready to dismiss about myself.

My trembling hand cautiously reaches for the magazine. I'm terrified that Noct might burst into his bedroom all of a sudden and find me skimming through his most private possession without his permission. As pristine and private he's always been about his belongings, I'm one-thousand percent certain he didn't intend for me to find this today. Despite being overwhelmed by a plethora of questions, I take the plunge and dare to thumb through the magazine further. The crinkled, slightly yellow pages are very telling of how long and how frequently the risqué content has been viewed by its owner.

The pictures on the inside are even worse. The images are full of incredibly handsome men, all nude, some kissing, others touching each other intimately. To imagine Noct actually pleasuring himself for God only knows how long while viewing such lecherous pictures time and again...

I can't help but feel like a bloody pervert.

I shake my head to get rid of the shocking pictures in my troubled head and scold myself. I’m reeling from bewilderment. My shaking hand comes up to adjust the collar of my dress shirt in a nervous gesture. Did the temperature rise in here, or am I starting to feel hot and bothered?

Before my trembling fingers are able to turn to another page, my sensitive ears alert me to the familiar sound of the entrance door as it clicks shut. Noct's familiar foot shuffle sounds in the corridor outside.

My heart races miles ahead with hot, livid panic.

Hell, I haven’t prepared myself mentally to confront Noct about his nudie mag… nor am I sure if I should mention something about it in the first place. Thinking quickly, I shove the evil object back underneath the pile of laundry and resume my self-assigned task of cleaning up his room as if nothing out of the ordinary just happened. I flick on the vacuum cleaner at the last moment.

Noct steps into the room with a huge yawn on his face. As he tilts his head back to stretch, his black hair fans out and back.

"Ignis?” he asks. “I'm back. And about to fall asleep on my feet."

Trying but failing to calm down the fluttering anxiousness inside my stomach, I switch off the vacuum cleaner to greet Noct somewhat breathlessly. "Hey, aren't you hungry?" Is my face red? It must be.

His blue colored eyes widen marginally, as if remembering something important. They fleetingly drift over to the pile of his clothes, only for me to see his face transform into an unreadable expression. "Nah, I'm beat. The exams were brutal. My brain, or rather what's left of it, is completely fried."

 _Your brain? What about mine?_ I'd like to say, but I find myself answering on autopilot. "Alright. At least take a shower before you go to sleep.”

He nods and then throws his backpack carelessly on a chair beside him as he proceeds to undo the buttons of his school uniform. Throwing the uniform right on the pile of dirty clothes behind me, he takes a step toward the bathroom. "I swear. I feel like I haven't slept in ages. Those damn exams have been keeping me awake all week. It's been a nightmare."

 _Nightmare_. I want to scoff out loud. Yeah, I know all about nightmares. Damned be all those handsome men doing coarse things to one another! The images are glued in the forefront of my mind and I can't focus.

"What about your clothes? Should I take them away to the washroom?" I ask, voice careful.

His body freezes and if my eyes weren't so observant they would have missed the miniscule change in his posture as he turns around to watch my face more closely. His eyes narrow ever-so-much. It’s the same look he has when he’s concentrating on a specific problem.

I'm an idiot. I fiddle with the vacuum handle, wrapping the cord up. He has to know now! If I hadn’t found _it_ then why else would I ask that question? Now it's obvious to the both of us that I can't just take his laundry to the washroom. Not when the vile magazine still hides below.

Noct adds his shirt to the pile next, in another careless motion, as if provoking the pile to fall over. The suspicious look on his face causes me to swallow dryly, without thinking. I force myself to breathe slowly.

There is a sudden awkward tension in the air. Why isn’t anyone talking?

"You know, you don't need to clean my bedroom," he states in a strange tone, continuing to eye me strangely after pulling his undershirt over his head. "In case you've missed it, Iggy, I’m an adult now. I can do things for myself.” He cracks a grin, an attempt at some levity. “I'm not a little squirt anymore.”

I try to keep my eyes firmly on Noct's face but fail miserably. Certainly what he’s said is true. His lean chest doesn't have the shape and contours of a child's body anymore. His undershirt lands on the same pitiful heap of clothes behind me, and something switches in my brain. I feel trapped. In front of me is Noct's bare chest, mocking me, steering my muddled brain into a dangerous territory I'd rather not allow myself to imagine at the moment, and behind me awaits the impending apocalypse: the unveiling of his porn magazine. I'm truly afraid to face the consequences of my actions because both Noct and the magazine have the power to destroy _something_ I have kept to myself all this time.

I lapse back into what I do best. Lecture mode. "Prove to me you're capable of cleaning your bedroom all on your own. Only then will I be open to negotiation." I know he hates these lectures; hopefully his annoyance will be a distraction. It’s certainly not that I think he’ll change. He’ll continue making a mess either way. It's just in his nature to be a pig. One of his charms, I suppose.

He shrugs off my comment, sending a hint of a smug smile my way. Before I can even react to it, he takes his trousers off and turns around, disappearing into the bathroom and leaving the door half open. Alarmed by the ominous glance he sent toward me, I inhale sharply and quickly turn my head away just as he takes off his underwear.

Bloody hell. I could have gotten an eyeful. That would only make things worse for me.

I squeeze my eyes shut in utter despair, cursing that damn magazine to hell and back. I take a calming breath, and proceed to push the vacuum cleaner out with me. Even if I wanted to, I can't look back. Not while I'm such a volatile mess of emotions inside.

One thing’s become clear to me: whatever Noct does in the privacy of his own bedroom, it shouldn't affect me as much as it did today. Even beginning to think about that is absolutely volatile territory. Gay or not, porn magazine or not, it's not _any_ of my business. His sexual preference doesn't change anything. At nineteen, Noct is an adult after all. The vivid image of his handsomely toned chest certainly helps to remember that. Like every year before, all I can do is to resume protecting him and keeping his personal issues and interests close to my heart. As a _friend_.

*******

We used to meet in his Majesty's home office. For the past few weeks, however, my reports have been taken at the hospital. The King sees me turn the corner to his private room and greets me with an easy smile. Hard to believe the once-strong man has changed so dramatically, though of course it’s still him at heart… only with a few more gray hairs and wrinkles.

There’s a blood pressure monitor beeping gently in the background.

"Ignis, it's so good to see you again,” Regis says. “How are you?"

"I've been doing well, thank you, your Majesty. How’s your health? Any improvement from your therapy last week?"

"Same old, same old. But we’re not here to talk about my health today. Sit down right here and have a chat with me.” He pats the chair next to his hospital bed.

With an amused head shake, I bow respectfully and follow Noct's father's suggestion and take a seat. I look around the room, trying to stall while I gather my thoughts. Regis interrupts me before I can think of anything to say.

“Now I’m going to ask you a question, and don’t you lie to me, son, because I can smell it. How is that sneaky little brat of mine doing? Yesterday I asked him about his life, and I got nothing. No words about school, nothing about his friends, nothing about his hobbies. He was tight-lipped as a clam. I can't read him anymore, not like I could when he was little. Of course I blame you." He chuckles at me.

I smile at the joke, then pause for a moment before replying. "To be blunt, Noct doesn't take care of himself as much as I’d like him to. I'm afraid there’s not much to report since the last time we’ve talked."

Regis breathes out a soft sigh, his next words successfully reminding me of that _something_ I'd rather not think about right now. "Well, if you’d just agreed to be his roommate three years ago, you’d have eliminated half my worries already."

"Regis-"

"Listen, Ignis, this time around I won't be able to take a no." He lets out a long suffering sigh before continuing to say, "Just take a look at me. I’m a bag of bones! I can barely get out of this bed to shuffle to the bathroom, let alone teach my son about the real world. He doesn’t respect me anymore. Bloody hell, I don’t blame him. He won't listen to a single word I say. He might be well-off, but he’s been too sheltered. It was the mistake of an old fool with too many duties and not enough time for my family. And now the boy’s nearly grown… but he’s clumsy, ill-mannered, and entirely too dependent on the guidance of others. I'm well aware of how much I made him that way, but we both know it's only a matter of time until Noct finishes up at university. And then he’ll have to face the harsh reality of his duties.”

I nod.

“After this takes its toll—” and here, he waves a hand from his feet up to his injured knee, “—and without your help, Noct wouldn't have a chance of survival in the real world, let alone taking over the Crystal's draining powers. As his father, I just want the best for hi—"

He breaks off mid-speech to cough a few times. He looks incredibly sick, and more tired than I’ve ever seen him. I immediately stand up to assist him, trying to alleviate his pain, but he raises his hand to stop me. A monitor beeps gently in the background.

"Sit down, Ignis, it's all right," he assures me, once he clears his throat. The expression on his pale, weary face is tender when our eyes meet again.

I furrow my brows with worry, silently taking in the serious condition of my father figure and friend. After all these years, it's still disturbing to see how much this once strong and healthy man has been chipped away to this frail husk. Keeping the wall up in order to protect Insomnia from the enemy is taking its toll on Regis' health, these days he can hardly get out of bed. We agreed to keep this a secret from Noctis. This ongoing battle has been so hard for Regis that I want him to find relief…

Regis clears his throat again, startling me back to the present. "Ignis, we both know you’re the only one I could ever trust to do this. Let's not pretend Noct would be the same young man today without your invaluable influence and guidance. You’re the only one that’s kept him accountable. You’re the only one that’s pushed him to do better! I mean, look at you. You're twenty one years old now, and mature well beyond your years. You’ve finished your education while taking care of my son and helping me with the duties when you can. I couldn't be any prouder of you or more appreciative of your loyalty towards my son and myself."

I wince at the praise. Even to this day, I can't accept compliments with ease, so I'm startled when his trembling hand reaches out to grasp mine. His grip is cold and surprisingly weak.

"I’m painfully aware that I might ask too much of you. It's not my place to question the distance you’ve kept from my son. I know you must have your reasons. Duties aside, your life is your own, and I respect your free will. But things have changed."

Regis squeezes my hand firmly and I feel compelled to look into his eyes, so serious and pleading. There is such filial concern in his face towards me that an insane wish rises up in my heart: I get the urge to be completely honest with him about my personal reservations.

"Ignis, please reconsider,” he continues. “Fulfill this foolish, selfish old man's one dying wish. Move back into my son's home and teach him in my stead all there is to know about the things he has to face. Stay by his side. I leave him in your care. It’s up to you to decide when he's ready to be left to his own devices."

"I…" My voice cracks, and I falter when I look down and see the firm hold he’s taken over our joined hands. I won't lie. I'm desperately looking for a way out. I'm not ready for this. I don’t think I’ll ever be. I need to avoid, at any price, accidentally letting Regis understand the agitation I feel inside. I try to keep my face a mask as my thoughts whirl out of control.

"I see." His knowing eyes perceive my posture, and suddenly all his bluster and braggadocio, his pleading and cajoling have retreated. He’s returned to being just a sick old man in a hospital bed again. A sharp tang of guilt washes over me. "At least promise me that you'll think about it.”

It’s obvious from his voice he’s too sick to fight about it.

A slight nod is the only answer I'm able to give. Regis is as observant as ever. I couldn't hide any kind of discomfort from him even if I tried. It's not that I feel pressured to do something I don't want to do. It's just... he doesn't know what’s holding me back from fully accepting his request. The reason might be just as astonishing as the incident I experienced earlier this afternoon.

Gradually, over time, my feelings toward his son have changed.

I'm in love with Noct.

No one knows, and I intend to keep it that way.

*******

Four weeks have flown by since finding Noct's magazine and visiting his father in the hospital. Not one day has gone by without those indecent pictures haunting me whenever I visit his home.

Noct’s never brought a girl home, and he hasn’t ever mentioned any dates he’s gone on. I had always assumed it was because of his demanding school schedule. In my darker moments I might have had other suspicions once or twice about him, but I never considered it anything other than wishful thinking on my part.

The situation I’ve found myself in is getting ludicrous. My iron-tight grip on my emotions falters every time I see him. I often daydream, fantasizing about what would happen if I were to ask him out on a date. But then I consider myself a fool and banish those best-case scenarios immediately out of my traitorous imagination.

I've never been in a relationship before. Because of my full time duties regarding Noct's well-being and studies, I deliberately neglected to seek satisfaction of my own sexual needs. I learned to live without. Masturbation has always been a necessary evil and I never thought much about indulging myself with pleasures beyond for fear of obsessing over Noct too much... So I shouldn't project my own self-induced indifference on this delicate topic on Noct. He and I clearly belong to a completely different species altogether.

To put an end to the thoughts swirling through my head, I start on dinner. Cooking often helps me unwind. There’s something soothing in getting lost in the ingredients and the flavors. Today’s menu: tarragon chicken, with a side of garlic-butter asparagus. Once it’s ready, I plate it on the table, covering the dishes for them to stay warm.

And then I wait. 4:15 rolls around. Now half-past four. He’s late, though not by much. I watch the shadows crawl across the walls, and those thoughts I was running from come back again.

As promised, I haven't set a foot in Noct's bedroom to clean up his mess in a whole month. A little part of me itches all over to peek inside and see if he really kept his word. I haven't slept well. I keep having recurring dreams of Noct lying on his bed amidst piles of garbage, cockroaches crawling all over his body as he touches himself intimately.

There is a reason I’m running from these thoughts. Anyone else dreaming that would have been scarred for life.

I look at the clock. Another fifteen minutes dragged by at some point. So he’s decided to take the long way today: the Arcade. No doubt because of Prompto's playful insistence.

I’ll have time, then, for a quick peek inside his room. I try to reason with myself: it’s not nosiness, it’s that those nightmares of mine have to stop. Glancing at the clock for time, I take my chances and walk over to his bedroom door, my curiosity too overwhelming by now to ignore.

I silently sneak inside his dark bedroom, switching on the light to inspect my surroundings and expecting the absolute worst.

"Unbelievable," is the only thing I can whisper into the silence.

His room is impeccable. Nary a speck of garbage, and no cockroaches in sight. Never in a million years had I ever imagined that Noct would prove he's indeed able to keep his room tidy. The room looks just as I left it weeks ago: even his bed is neatly made. Relief sweeps through me. Now I can sleep peacefully again.

My chest can't help but swell with pride and happiness that Noct has finally taken this next step towards maturity. Regis ought to smile from ear to ear once he hears the news. I consider baking Noct's favorite pastries tomorrow. It's the least I can do to applaud his praiseworthy efforts.

But then, just as I'm about to switch off the light and leave the room, something gleams on the bed. It's partly hidden, placed right next to Noct's pillow. Maybe it's something he forgot to throw away? With cautious steps and a strange sense of foreboding I make my way toward his bed, and push the pillow to the side to see what's there. At first I don't recognize the object, so I grab it for a closer look. And then, horror of horrors, it hits me.

I let the dastardly device fall back on the bed as if it’s burned me.

Once again, I curse my curious nature. Why didn't I listen to my intuition? Why did I have to keep snooping around Noct's private possessions? The vile porn magazine didn't want to leave my mind alone, but at least I’d learned to live with that sticky memory. But what I discovered this time makes everything worse!

It's a _sex toy_.

Heaven forbid, I did _not_ need to see that. Not only does Noct enjoy looking at raunchy pictures, he even uses sex toys to seek more forbidden pleasure. I don't want to imagine, let alone _think_ about Noct masturbating ever again if I intend on staying sane-

My sensitive ears hear the entrance door open and close, smothering all further thinking processes to a painful halt. Adrenaline flares up and takes over my body as I swiftly switch off the lights and close the bedroom door behind me. Looking around to find something to do with my quivering hands, I take the feather duster in one hand and start swishing it around the decorations in a futile attempt to look casual. Once again I send prayers to whoever might be willing to listen, hoping I don't look as shaken on the outside as I feel on the inside.

"Ignis, I'm home," greets Noct, shuffling his feet inside the living room at a slow pace.

The memory of his sex toy and its erotic, phallic form is stuck snugly in my mind, squeezing its way into my thoughts like a piece of chewing gum squishing up between the ridges on the bottom of a shoe. Feeling my sunburn-bright blush doesn't make it any easier to look at Noct's handsome face. I’m terrified he’ll immediately catch on to what I've been up to. To block said sticky memory from wreaking havoc with my ability to focus, I lamely attempt to greet him.

"Welcome back. Take a seat, dinner’s ready."

For some strange reason Noct hesitates, and I can feel his gaze burning holes into the back of my head.

"Are you all right? You don't sound well."

Well, that's understandable… especially since I sound as if I’m being choked by the feather duster that I hold in my shaking hand. "I think I caught a slight cold. Nothing to worry about."

"Well, if you say so," is his skeptical reply. "Take care of yourself, Iggy. My stomach would shrivel and I’d die a pitiful death without your delicious cooking every day."

I snort, amused by his remark, finally getting a grip on myself as I turn around to walk over to the table. "Shrivel and die? That's a blatant lie and you know it. You’d just be forced to subsist off an insane amounts of instant noodles. Of course, that’s not much different than usual, is it?"

An adorable roll of his eyes is my reward for my efforts to make him yield. "True. I am pretty addicted. Sometimes I think you know me a little too well."

"Well then, get yourself ready and let's work on filling that shriveling stomach of yours. Wouldn't want you to starve, would we?"

“Definitely not,” he says in agreement.

The look in my eyes turns soft when they meet his smiling ones, silently appreciating his efforts for keeping his promise and keeping his room tidy.

 

*******

"Dinner tastes as good as always, Ignis. Just you wait, one day I'll surpass your cooking skills with flying colors."

I almost snort the food out of my nose at Noct's brave declaration. "Good luck with that."

He chews on for a bit and then swallows before asking, "Remember the last time Prompto and I tried to cook without your help?"

"Oh, you mean the time you two almost burnt your apartment to cinders? Yes, fun times," I say dryly. "And to think—it all started with you trying to warm up dry noodles in the microwave. Absolute stroke of genius."

He sends me a scandalized glance, obviously a put-on. "Come on, we wanted to surprise you."

"And what a surprise that day was, indeed." I chuckle softly. "At least you were clever enough to use an extinguisher. The mess Gladio and I had to clean afterwards will haunt my memories for eternity."

"Excuse me, the intention and good-will behind my efforts were what mattered… in case you didn't notice. Anyway, we'd like to try to cook again tomorrow. Just thought this time around I should probably alert you in advance."

I proceed to eat in silence, enjoying the taste and observing Noct for a few seconds with a raised eye brow. "No."

"What?! Why not? You’re always talking about the wonders of cooking, how _pleasing_ -"

In the middle of Noct's sentence my fork clatters on the plate, and I watch in slow motion as it bounces and hits the floor.

Good heavens... Noct mentioned _pleasing,_ the word instantly reminding me of something very important. Chewing gum memories bubble back to the surface of my mind. All I can envision is him _pleasing_ himself. With his toy.

"Whoa, what happened?" Noct has his own fork raised halfway to his mouth, wincing slightly at the mess I've made on his expensive carpet.

"Sorry, just remembered something important," I choke out, my whole body trembling in horror.

In my previous haste to leave Noct's bedroom, I completely forgot to place the sex toy back where I’d found it.

Now, Noct will know I've been inside his room.

He'll know I've seen and touched his most intimate treasure.

And the worst thing is, it's too late to do anything about it.

 

* * *

 

To be continued...

 


	2. Misty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dear readers, 
> 
> this update is one day earlier ;). Hope this story manages to engage you all and that you enjoy where the plot is going so far. Thank you all for staying with me and for the lovely kudos!
> 
> I'll try to come up with a beautiful Ignis & Noctis artwork by this weekend and then add the image to this story. Hopefully it will turn out the way I see those two in my mind :). 
> 
> Happy reading! Let's go!  
> -  
> Kamuel

* * *

  
I ran away, something I've never done before. In retrospect, this was probably the most foolish decision I've ever made.

As soon as I cleaned up after dinner, I left Noct's apartment in a hurry, as if having been stung by an adder. I'm sure he found my behavior unusual; suspicious, at the very least. But there wasn't much I could do or say with my frantic mental state. I needed to get a grip on myself before I could even begin to think of facing him. I couldn't bear to face the avalanche of awkwardness that would have unfolded had I stayed for him to find… well, what I found.

Releasing an exasperated sigh, I scold myself for being a coward and cross my arms on top of the steering wheel to hide my shame-filled face from the outside world. I’m not confident in my ability to drive myself safely home at the moment, so my plan is to sit here in the parking lot and wait… at least, until I've cooled down my troubled mind.

I glance at my watch. By now, Noct must have entered his room and already stumbled over his intimate object lying on the middle of his bed, displaced and obviously manhandled.

Despite my reaction before, I don’t judge him for seeking pleasure that way. Heavens above knew I needed my own relief over the years. Noct’s always been so lonely. The Queen had died before Noct would learned to talk. And in his grief, the King wrapped himself with work in order to forget the scorching pain of loss. In consequence, Noct never received enough familial love, something I myself struggled with. So I watched over him. I had the privilege of watching Noct grow up; the privilege of staying by his side, of trying to fill that void. And because of that, I might be the only person in the world who knows how much he yearns for genuine affection and love. I wish one day Gladio and Prompto can grasp the depth of comfort only their close friendship can add and provide to Noct's life.

Love never came easy to Noct. We’ve talked obliquely about Noct’s life goals, and he’s always said he wanted to start a family with someone who loves him for who he is. But where could he find an example of this in motion? As much as I understand Regis’ intentions, he was single, and single-minded for most of his life. His work and his duties as a King were his life.

And as sheltered as Noct’s been... I did what I could with the limited means at my disposal, but there was only so much I could do as a friend struggling to grow up himself. The best I could do was fill in as the competent older brother, a role that was easy for me.

I’ve handled this all wrong. The last thing I want to do is leave a mixed signal; to make him feel as if I’m avoiding him once I found out his secret.

All I can see for Noct is a long, lonely road to his future. He’ll probably stay single until his father decides on a suitable marriage partner, and even then there’s no assurance that my friend will be able to find that meaningful love he always craved. And all this was before the revelations about his preference…

And then there are my own personal feelings. From the moment Regis introduced Noct to me, I knew he’d become special to me. Over time, his adorable face managed to effortlessly trap me completely under his spell. And several years later, over time, those feelings of innocent affection evolved in a way that makes me breathless just thinking about it.

Whenever I give Regis my regular reports, I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. This new revelation, however, opens up old thoughts I believed I had put in the grave long ago. Sometimes, I like to imagine a life where I could allow myself to love Noct the way he deserves and more. Despite him being a tad lazy, despite being spoiled by everyone around him, despite his position as the future King… he’s managed to stay humble, just and kind. Being the one entrusted with the maintenance of his future, per his father's will, I've been careful not to overstep the boundaries I set between Noct and myself, careful not to let my affection grow more than it already has. I mustn't forget the true reason why Regis allows me to stay that close to his son's side. I just can't break Regis' trust. Nor can I break my vow to him. I feel as if I’m caught in the middle.

Setting my glasses aside to rub over my tired eyes, I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling lost as I lean back on my seat.

What now?

After my embarrassing mishap today, I'm sure Noct will do his best to avoid me for a long while, and I certainly can't blame him for that.

A slight knocking sound startles me out of my musings, and I turn my head to look out the driver’s side window. As soon as I recognize Noct standing outside the car, my heart skips several beats. His beautiful face gives nothing away of his true thoughts.

With a push on the button next to me, I helplessly watch the window slide down, dread crawling in my gut.

"Your bag," Noct says softly, holding the familiar looking object up.

Right. In my haste to escape Noct's apartment I suppose I forgot to take my things with me. This has never happened before. It must speak volumes to how overwhelmed I was. I can only stare at him, a blank expression on my face. Wondering when those perfect lips of his will start to move, waiting for Noct to pass his verdict on me for entering his bedroom and misplacing his most intimate acquaintance.

While I wait for my judgement, Noct opens the backseat door of the car and places my bag inside, and then, just as quick, closes it. I can hear his feet shuffle back to the place where he stood before. From the corner of my eyes, I observe how his hands slide inside his trouser pockets. A familiar gesture which reveals how truly nervous he is.

"See you tomorrow?" He leans forward slightly, ducking his head to have a better look of me.

His quiet, insecure question takes me aback and I blink a few times in surprise. This isn't the death sentence I had anticipated. Am I still welcome inside his home? He isn't angry?

It's only when I risk a glance up to his face that I understand the true importance of my reply to his timid sounding question.

"Of course I'll be there. Always."

His eyes light up with relief and an emotion that I can't define at the moment. The relieved fluttering in my stomach is enough to distract me from thinking too hard on it.

Sending me a warm smile, Noct reaches for my shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. A pleasant shiver rushes through me as we look into each other’s eyes. But before I can question the electrifying sensations that pass between us, Noct already turns around and waves his hand in parting.

I take this as my cue to fasten my seat belt and start up the car. A quick glance up at the rear view mirror shows me my friend slowing down to watch me depart, those mesmerizing eyes of his following the car as I leave. The smile on his face only intensifies when I raise my hand to salute him in farewell and then continue to drive around the corner.

I'm truly relieved the awkward situation between us ended well. It only shows how much Noct has matured. When I think back on similar situations from the past, the difference is night and day. There have been times he’d be silent for days because of a single disagreement. There were even times he’d get so angry he’d throw his possessions around the house in frustration. Each time I was calm, patient, and collected, understanding it was a phase. Now, our roles have switched. I ran away… and he came and quietly assured me everything was okay. I must say he acted more like an adult than I did this evening.

It feels like a blessing to be able to focus again on the most important tasks ahead; to guide and protect Noct to the best of my abilities.

 

***  
  


"You seem happy," Regis says. He was always good at reading my emotions.

I turn my head away from the window to glance at Noct's father, immediately attempting to rid myself of the blissful look on my face. He’s out of the hospital, but it’s more for comfort than anything. He’s stable, for now, but who knows for how much longer. They managed to stabilize his life force despite the Crystals ongoing, draining powers; but it’s been an aggressive fight back and forth lately.

His office in the Citadel has been turned into an amalgam of a meeting room and a sick ward. A full-time nurse staffs him, looks after him. On top of his many other helpers around here. It’s not quite hospice care at the moment, but it’s close enough to have everyone on edge.

Regis places his half-eaten dinner back on the tray. "I haven't seen an expression that joyful on your face in a long time. Is there something I should know about?"

I should have paid more attention to myself. I've been completely lost in thought, staring outside the windows, smiling tenderly like the lovesick fool that I am. I was thinking about Noct; thinking about how we met, thinking of how he managed to squeeze himself right into my life effortlessly since then. Night and day he’s on my mind, making himself quite at home there and refusing to leave me alone. Not even my thoughts are my own anymore. And such a goofy sense of optimism. It’s certainly unusual. Where has it come from? Some weird hope for the future? I’m not sure, but I certainly can’t share any of these thoughts with his father.

The nurse appears with a cup of pills, then disappears just as quickly. Regis takes his medicine with a grimace and a dry swallow, his watchful eyes glued to me, observing closely each change in my posture.

My lips quirk up at his transparent attempt to read me. "It’s nothing in particular."

He leans back on his soft pillows with a weary sigh, his expression disappointed but playful. "Oh Ignis, not you too. Ever the quiet ones. Noctis won't talk to me about anything, but he was all smiles as well. What's going on these days with you two?"

"It's nothing you have to worry about, Regis," I say softly. "I'm just in a good mood lately."

Regis's gray-blue eyes narrow ever so slightly, inquiring casually, "Indeed? Noctis as well. So isn’t this the perfect opportunity for me to be pushy again? It's been a few weeks since last we spoke, and I'm curious if you’ve made your decision."

That sly old fox. Regis would be a fool not to immediately grasp the opening I unintentionally left for him.

"No, not yet. I apologize."

"Ignis, be honest with me. What's holding you back? Is this about my son? Did he do or say something that made you dislike him?"

Dislike? No... Regis couldn't be any further away from the truth.

I let my eyes drift toward the windows, taking my time to think over my answer as I look at my blurry reflection.

"Everything is fine between us. It's not an issue with Noct... just a personal issue I have with myself," I say delicately.

What would Regis' reaction be, were he to know about my inappropriate feelings for his son...? It's obvious I can't keep this secret to myself forever. Regis deserves to know, yet I'm afraid of the consequences.

 

***

  
The next day, there’s a swing in my step and a sense of lightheartedness in the air. It’s so strong that, even when I unlock the door to Noct’s apartment and find the nudie magazine on the sofa my cheerful mood stays. I suppose I should take this as the ultimate sign of trust between us.

He has to know I know… right?

After weeks of nightmares and wondering, I can finally admit that I’m more curious than scared of the content, so I place my bag on the floor next to the couch and sit down to skim through the risqué pictures. It's strange how today the content doesn't feel as shocking as it had a few weeks ago. While the camera focuses mostly on the erect private parts of the attractive models, the men depicted seem to be having genuine fun together. They’re all photographed in such fun-looking set pieces… the perfect mix of erotic and playful. Light, shadow, space and architecture combine to transform this from what could be a mere piece of smut to a work of art in my mind’s eye. Even if the subject matter is taboo. I flip the magazine on the back side, looking for the date of print. The tiny letters say so much with so little.

I now have my confirmation. The magazine is almost _two years old_.

Going by its worn look and yellowed edges, this seems to be the only adult magazine Noct’s ever owned. My gently shaking fingers continue to pass over the indecent yet sensual pictures. I think of Noct, in his loneliness, doing the same thing for two years.

I feel a sense of sadness at Noct’s closed-off sense of self. Who knows how many years his interest has kept him isolated? He may be sheltered and well-taken care of, but even the most padded of cells is still a jail.

How to liberate him, though? How to show him these shackles are self-imposed?

I don't like how my mind works whenever Noct is involved, and I certainly don't like how my heart agrees with it either. But an idea, terrible in its importance, rises to the surface of my thoughts. Whether my sense of filial duty towards Regis agrees to it or not, I suddenly find my body moving all on its own, my hand reaching out for the keys, my legs making their way toward the exit, with my feet already slipping back into my shoes.

 

***

 

The doorbell chimes behind me. Heat rises up over my face. Here we are, then. Heavens knew how many times I’d driven past this place without sparing it a second thought… and now I’m here, staring at walls lined with neon adult accessories, skimpy clothing, and plastic packaging covered in naughty pictures, the packaging itself covering even naughtier items.

I’m not sure what’s gotten into me, but I’m here now.

"May I be of assistance, sir?"

Startled, I glance over my shoulder at the young male sale assistant—who, by the way, seems very eager to help me out. I hadn’t exactly planned on talking to anyone while I was here, but I may as well now. Not nearly as hard to speak to a stranger as it would be Noct about this.

"Could you please point me toward the, er, gay magazines? I’m not sure where to start.”

“Is there a specific magazine you’re after?” he asks. Again, a little too eager.

I bite my lip. “Star-Boys is the name.”

"I'm sad to say, that specific magazine is out of print. But there’s a similar magazine I'm sure you'll find just as pleasing," he says with a playful wink, eyeing me up and down.

Is he flirting with me?

"Show the way," I say briskly, getting uncomfortable the longer he stares at my body.

"Aye, certainly, sir. This way."

He disappears further into the aisles. Trying to avoid eye contact with those around me, I follow.

Heaven, this is awkward. Up until now I’ve had to endure many embarrassing moments because of Noct, but this situation is on a whole different level. The sheer absurdity of what I'm doing decides to strike me right now. My ears burn so hot I can imagine steam rising from my head. I’m trying very hard to turn invisible, but no amount of embarrassment seems to grant me that power.

Is it my imagination, or am I being watched by everyone? I scratch the tip of my nose to hide a good portion of my face with my hand. It wouldn't do me any good if anyone here were to recognize me. Regis would be sorely disappointed if he were to learn about my current whereabouts.

Finally, we come to a stop at the counter. The eager shop-keep waves to a hidden shelf behind his counter, winking at me conspiratorially. He steps behind the counter, picks up a magazine and slides it over to me. "This semiweekly publication you have in your hot little hands is the current flavor of the month. They’re limited runs, so they’re in high demand here. We usually reserve these for our regulars... but for you I'll make an exception."

Yeah, he's definitely flirting.

"Thanks, I appreciate that," I say. My tone is clipped. I’m hoping the neutral tone of my voice hammers home the message that I'm not interested.

He clears his throat. "Anything else you need, you just let me know. Choose at your leisure."

The sales assistant leaves me alone and I can feel the odd tension in my limbs disappear. Heart pounding loudly in my ears, I steal a glance around the shop before devoting myself fully to the row of x-rated magazines, elated to see an upgrade to the old magazine which Noct owns at home. If possible, the male models on the new edition are even more handsome and the quality of the photo shoots look greater.

The sales assistant seems to carefully watch me. I can hear him chuckle, but thankfully, he refrains from commenting on my sudden shopping spree. My face feels hot; in danger of melting away without any outside encouragement.

"If I may be of assistance one more time, sir."

For Goddess' sake, leave me alone. I’m questioning my sanity enough as it is right now! I don't need your expert advice making this more awkward for me! I glance up from the stack of magazines, completely aware of my burning cheeks. I take a deep breath in, and then out. "Yes?"

"We’ve just got some of these in. You might consider taking a few with you. Trust me, the owner will be grateful to move it, we’ve got too much." He places a few smaller bottles on the counter.

"What are those?" I ask.

He seems to be genuinely surprised by my innocent question, scratching his chin and looking at me as if in new light.

"Travel-sized personal lubricants. Potions that are used for a lot of things. Helps out in solo and in doubles, if you know what I mean. Makes things a little slicker hands-on. Also recommended for painless penetration."

An "Oh," is everything I can say to him in response. As confused as I feel, I certainly need a proper amount of time for my brain cells to digest this new information.

The young guy narrows his eyes, clearly having come to his own conclusion about me because all of a sudden he bends down to take something out from another drawer, saying, "I think you're also going to need this. Better safe than sorry."

A box lands on the counter. I stare dumb-founded at the brightly-colored packs of condoms in front of me. Strawberry flavor, of course.

“These are latex, right, so make sure you only use water-based potions with these. Or they’ll bust. Oh, well, there’s probably a lot of other things you don’t know, so let’s see…”

Before I'm able to react in any way, the sale assistant rummages around the drawer once again and slams a thick book next to the condoms and potions with a heavy thud. The title leaves me completely breathless. _The Joy of Gay Sex:_ _An intimate guide for gay men to the pleasures of a gay lifestyle._

Someone behind me giggles and I turn my head prepared to send a glare at them. But instead, I feel like a fool. The giggles weren't even directed at me. Brilliant. I don't know how the sale assistant figured out that I'm sexually inexperienced. But so what if I am? Why am I getting so flustered? It's not as if sex with Noct will ever happen.

"I appreciate your advice," I say, between clenched teeth. After paying with my credit card, I'm more than ready to dash from the premises.

"Thank you for your purchase, sir. Have a _nice_ evening." He winks with a wide, knowing smile.

Mortified by his predatory smile, my throat feels tight as I leave, shop bell clanging guiltily after me. I’m filled with conflicting emotions as I slide back into my car, black tinted plastic bags held tight in each hand. The items I purchased today might be my gift to Noct, but damn it all to hell, it's hard to ignore the stab of pain in my chest when I think it won't be me with whom Noct will share all those experiences…

 

***

  
"I'm home."

The first thing Noct does in the living room is to look for his magazine. I notice how self-conscious he is about my reaction to it when his eyes finally meet mine.

"Hungry?" I ask softly, acting as if it were completely normal to have such risqué pictures lying open on the couch for everyone to see.

He needs awhile to catch his breath from his former panic. "Yeah, I'm famished."

"That's perfect. Go, wash your hands, I made your favorite meal today."

Noct actually seems to be speechless, the look on his face endearing as he stares wide-eyed at me. I can feel his amazed gaze following my movements as I set the table for us.

I try to hide my smile. I think he'll get even more speechless once he opens the present that I purchased for him earlier this afternoon.

He rushes into his bedroom to change into comfortable clothes first before washing his face and hands and then quickly getting back to me, pulling on the chair opposite of mine to sit down on it. As soon as I fill up his plate with his favorite casserole, he starts to eat as if he’s been starved for weeks. He seems somewhat impatient, his hurried movements speaking of wanting to talk to me but having no clue on how to broach the subject first.

I have an inkling of an idea about his topic. I can only hope I didn't make a mistake with my purchase. Regardless of being emotionally prepared, I'm not sure if I'm ready to face the changes tonight's subject will surely bring about between us.

 

***

 

Once we've cleared the table, I take a seat on Noct's soft couch, taking his porn magazine in my hands and skimming through the pages in front of him.

Noct seems once again amazed at my calm reaction, his stance anxious until he finally and cautiously takes a seat to my right. I feel him shifting restlessly next to me. To say he's nervous would be an understatement.

To make this easier for the both of us, I start to speak first. "Where did you get this?" I'm curious to know how he got his fingers on such a magazine right under my nose.

He rubs his neck shyly, looking away. "Someone at school got it for me, about two years ago..."

Well, that certainly matches up. Noct must have trusted this person a lot to keep this incident to themselves. Maybe he wasn’t in such an isolated prison after all. The thought is a little relieving.

I look into his eyes. "I actually bought a present for you. Well, I say present. It’s more of a package deal."

"Huh? Why? My birthday was months ago," he says with a frown, biting his lower lip.

"I know. But this one is special."

I pull out the parcel from its hiding place. "I bought this today because I realized the content might be able to fill a void inside of you. I know current circumstances won't allow you to go out and date like others your age do, so... consider this a temporary solution."

At first his frown grows deeper, clearly not understanding the true meaning of my words, but then Noct's gorgeous face changes to an expression of sorrow and loneliness, and Eos... it's not easy at all to keep my hands to myself instead of hugging him tightly.

"I...," he says and pauses, licking over dry lips as he stares down at the heavy present on his lap.

"Go on, open it," I urge him gently, but then add in a teasing voice to lift up his mood, "I waited all evening to see your reaction to it. Make it worth my time."

He chuckles at first, but then his lips can't contain a gasp as soon as he unwraps the package and the first cover of the new stack of x-rated magazines appear in his view. "Ignis, what-!" His voice cracks mid-sentence while he glances back at me completely shell-shocked.

"There's more," I say, urging him to rip open the entire present.

Noct swallows wetly, his cheeks reddening, picking up one magazine after another, the look in his surprised eyes changing once he pulls out the condoms and lube bottles, evidently in the know about their properties. He stares at the huge stack of magazines, joking with a half-laugh and a half-sob, "Did you buy out the entire shop?"

His raspy voice does strange things to my insides. "I admit, I may have gone a bit overboard. I didn't know what kind of pictures you preferred, so I figured I’d get you something similar to what you had, and some of the others the clerk recommended. That one on the top there, that’s the special edition from the best sex-shop Insomnia has to offer."

He snorts first but then leans back to let out a full belly laugh, a small tear escaping his eyes as he squeezes them shut.

“Thanks, Iggy. I’m not sure how to respond. Ever since I realized this about myself, it’s been hard being so different...”

The endearing reaction alone has been worth all the trouble I had to face earlier. Obviously I had to mask all the traces that led back to the sex-shop. I don’t want to imagine Regis' face were he to learn of my shameless deeds today. As understanding as he’s been, I’d rather not push my luck.

"You are incredible, Iggy, really..." Noct catches his breath and sends me a bright smile, a smile he only rarely allows anyone to see nowadays. "Sorry, I still don't know what to say. This caught me off-guard."

Still entranced by that bright smile of his, I say teasingly, "A few weeks back I stumbled across your first magazine, and it caught me off-guard, too."

Noct's eyes grow large. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"You might be my protégé, but whatever you choose to do in private is not my business, Noct," I say softly. "You're an adult now."

"Heck, all this time I feared you wouldn't approve... but right now you don't know how happy you made me."

"I think I might have a good guess," I say, humor lacing my voice.

He looks down, curiously avoiding my eyes. "You've always been so open-minded. I wish I could have come out to you sooner," he adds softly, turning his head toward me to search my gaze with his own. "Is all this stuff… I mean, you’re really okay with this?"

I lift my hand to ruffle his hair. "I couldn't think any less of you because of this even if I wanted to. You really should trust me more than that."

Noct closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath, his relief palpable.

"But I wouldn't exactly recommend letting your father find out your sexual orientation via porno left idly on the couch," I add dryly. "No fire extinguisher in the world would be able to save you from that one."

Noct laughs out loud and only now do I notice how much I missed hearing him be so carefree. It must have been months since I last heard him laugh as freely as he does now. How heavy was this burden, keeping these secret worries and desires all to himself? And here was I thinking his distance had been him devoting all of his free time to his studies.

The final part of his present slides down from his lap and he catches the heavy book before it can land on the floor. He turns a few pages, his ear tips turning red. "You even got me this?"

I clean my glasses on the hem of my shirt at my waist, another filthy habit that’s cost me too many scratched lenses in my lifetime. It’s a good excuse to summon something to say in my defense.

"The shop clerk intuited that I've never… you know, been with another man. I suppose he assumed I had someone waiting at home to try these things with. Despite the amusing misunderstanding, I purchased the book anyway. For you. It could come in handy for the future. You never know what the new day will bring."

Noct stares at me, the handsome features on his face once again unreadable. After some long minutes of silence, he whispers a question I never would have anticipated from him.

"Have you ever been with a man before?"

My glasses slip out of my fingers. A silent thud is heard when they touch the soft carpet underneath.

“No,” I say, and suddenly my voice is very dry. “Never had the chance.”

The words are out there, now. In the open, burning the air.

"So do you want to practice? Together?”

I stare at him. His face is the only part of his form that’s not blurry in my sight. Is it just my eyes that make him the only clear thing in the room?

“Would you..." Noct stops to take another shaky breath, then blurts out, "If I asked for your help with learning the things in this book, you and me together, would you be okay with that?”

It’s at this moment that I realized how badly I wanted this to be the outcome of this evening. I feel both a terrible fear, and an overwhelming sense of elation I’ve never felt before…

 

* * *

To be continued...

 


	3. Raining Cats and Dogs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya dear readers, 
> 
> I hope all of you have been doing well! Spring is coming and with it so many wonderful, inspiring emotions and creative ideas :3. Lovely hugs to everyone! (or ignore me, I'm just happy, lol)
> 
> So, about this chapter: the plot thickens. Poor Iggy. I have an inkling that Noct knows exactly what he's doing. What do you think? Ha ;).
> 
> In order not to destroy the flow and the mood of the story, I have decided to upload the following chapter as well.  
> As always thank you so much for the lovely kudos! I'm relieved to see that you enjoy the plot so far.
> 
> Have fun reading! Let's go!
> 
> Kamuel

* * *

 

If one listened very well, they could hear a pin drop on the carpet. That's how quiet it is right now.

I'm genuinely stunned, unable to move or reply, my emotions running rampant with no definite conclusion in sight.

At my bewildered reaction, Noct immediately second-guesses his surprising request and adds quickly, "Look, just forget what I said. I don't know what came over me. Asking you something embarrassing like that! It's just, I wanted..."

Noct drops his head forward, hiding his flushed face with his hands from my sight and then mumbles something unintelligible that probably wasn't intended for my ears anyway. I still hear his plaintive explanations and can decipher most of them.

He wants us to try and experience all sorts of pleasurable, delightful things together. He muttered something about being friends with benefits.

Alright. I definitely get the meaning of his request. Yet my reasoning seems to be malfunctioning at the moment. How do you deliberate over something like this? Of all the ways I had guiltily envisioned this moment, on the cusp of my dreams, it was never like this: never a casual conversation amongst friends, a single sentence asked in innocence.

My thoughts chase one another in my head furiously. To be honest, I feel such a rush of excitement through every part of my body that I don't dare move. I don't even dare to breathe. I truly didn't know, not until now, how much I actually desire to take what has been so freely offered to me.

Yet still. I need to examine the strict boundaries that I've set up for myself, to re-examine my vow to the King and what it would mean to all of us if ever I were to breach them. But my iron-clad will is faltering. Even now the internal idea of fealty, of filial duty, is slipping away.

Noct's back is tense, his hands are trembling, and his ears red. He ruffles his hair out of nervousness, which only makes my fingers start to itch unconsciously. I crave to rearrange those soft-looking strands of hair.

All I can see before me is Noct. He's fixed in my wide, unblinking gaze. Every movement he has is being recorded in my mind for posterity. Blood thunders in my veins, an unsteady cacophony banging on my eardrums. I'm suddenly obsessed with a curious idea: wondering if his hair is truly as soft as it's always looked… and of course all I can do is reach my shaking hand out, intending to touch, intending to feel...

But then Noct's next words shake me awake from the sudden, dangerous trance of longing in which I found myself trapped.

"Sorry, this was a bad idea. Let's just call it a night," he says apologetically, avoiding my face.

I quickly pull my hand back. Whatever I might have been waiting for, that special moment that may have been is gone. There's a sudden feeling of loss when I watch him stand up and walk toward his room.

Without glancing back he speaks to me, voice thick with some unknown emotion: "Thanks for the present. It was very thoughtful. You really don't know how much this means to me."

I can read between the lines. His appreciation isn't about the present itself, but rather my intent to make his life a little bit more bearable.

"My pleasure," I croak out, clearing my throat once to get rid of the gravel that's suddenly appeared. I wish I had more appropriate words to tell him how much I take delight in contributing to his happiness.

"Night..." He hesitates a little, but eventually disappears quietly behind his bedroom door.

"Sleep well, Noct," I whisper gently into the silence of his living room, staring at the closed bedroom door as if it would hold all the answers I seek.

Glancing sideways at the scattered magazines, my hands shake slightly as I place them neatly on top of each other. I avoid looking at the explicit pictures intentionally; each and every cell in my body hums with enough arousal as it is, and it's not like it's going to do me any good, is it?

I proceed to quietly clean up Noct's living room, lost in my own thoughts and wondering why I feel so empty inside.

 

***

 

A few days later, I notice that the stack of new magazines hadn't been touched by Noct even once, not since I arranged them. Even the potion bottles are stacked in tiny little rows still. Their absence would have told me that he put the contents of my present to good use.

After all the trouble I went through to get them, and after he told me how happy my presents made him, why just avoid them?

Frowning at this new puzzle, I procure an empty bag to put everything away for the time being. It wouldn't do for a sudden visitor, or Goddess forbid, Regis himself to see Noct's guilty pleasures lying blatantly on the couch. Looking around the living room, I decide to hide the heavy bag inside the cupboard.

Just then, Noct arrives home from another long day of final exams. In the past few days I've barely gotten a glimpse of him. I've been trying to give him enough space to focus on his studies.

My stomach lurches with something akin to excitement to finally see him again, so I turn around to greet him fondly. But not a second after, I can feel myself falter at the startling sight greeting me instead.

"Is everything okay, Noct?"

"Nothing. Just tired, I guess," is his somewhat dry and worn out response. He sounds as if he's lost the will to live. And he looks even worse. Sick, pale and sleep-deprived. The cutting response I got from him should have been alarming enough to me on its own. I have an inkling of an idea about his current condition, but I decide to ignore my inner voice and ask anyway.

"Tell me what's really going on. You know I'm here to look after you."

"You are?" He stares at the wall next to him. "Thanks a lot for your care then, you're doing a good job so far. I haven't slept in days and I almost failed my exam today."

I proceed to watch him with a frown as he shuffles his tired feet in the direction of his room. He's deliberately ignoring me now.

Despite knowing better, I feel my own worries and frustrations with him grow, so I snap into lecture mode.

"Isn't it a little immature to blame me for your problems?" I ask.

He stares at me, his look defiant.

"I can't solve problems that you won't talk to me about. I'm not a mind-reader, Noct. It's absolutely imperative to focus on your final exams, no matter the cost, even if it's your pride. You can't sleep? Why not talk to me about it? Being stubborn about things is hardly going to help either of us. Despite what you may think, I am here to help _you_. Not because I'm being paid, but because I made a promise to protect you. And I'm telling you that I will help you with any problem you have, because it's important for your future."

Noct's hands clench into tight fists, his body shaking slightly as he stands in the door.

"My future." He snorts angrily, fully turning around to look into my eyes. "Everybody seems to care about _my future_. But don't you get it?! I _don't care_ about a future that's not even guaranteed! Why worry about some crap that's light years away!? Doesn't anyone care about what I want? I need to feel alive _now_! The _present_ is the most important to me, it's the only thing I have!"

I look at him calmly, but inside I'm astonished at all the anger and pain he's emanating. I'm not sure where his enraged outburst even came from. I haven't seen him this upset in a long while. That's why I'm even more startled when I see his tired, slightly swollen eyes well up with tears.

"You want me to focus?" he continues. "Great, then do me a favor and leave me the hell alone."

He slams his bedroom door shut, leaving me dumbfounded and alone, with a racing heart as the only sympathetic companion in my hollow chest.

 

***

 

I rarely like to admit when I'm at my wits' end.

As expected, today I'm met with silence yet again. It's Friday evening and Noct hasn't eaten anything substantial or healthy since Monday. His final exams are now officially over, but he still confines himself inside his bedroom every hour he's home, locking me out of his life, as if I didn't even exist.

I stare at Noct's meal, which by now has gone completely cold, and I ask myself for the umpteenth time… what's gone so wrong between us? No matter how many times I rewind back to the evening I gave him the present, when he'd smiled at me so brightly and carefree, for the life of me, I'm not able to find anything wrong. Nothing which might have triggered this kind of response from him. Even in the past he's never sulked for this long. It pains me that I can't do anything to ease his suffering, but on the other hand, for whatever reason, he seems to need the space between us to cool off.

With a disappointed sigh, I stand up and place his meal inside the fridge, hoping he'll warm it up later.

After cleaning the kitchen area, I knock on his door to say my farewell for the day. When I get no answer—again—I leave the apartment, walking straight to Noct's car with the absolutely mature intention to sulk for once. Whenever I'm troubled, I like to sneak into his car to think. It's strangely intimate and soothing both.

Once I plop down on the familiar leather seat, I take a deep breath and finally allow myself to relax. I roll my shoulders a few times to stretch out any kinks and aches. It's funny, but Noct's car manages to soothe any headaches I have every single time I sit in it. The smell of leather and faint traces of his cologne help me feel close and connected to him. I just wish he wouldn't cause the blasted headaches in the first place.

Placing my arms in my favorite position on the steering wheel, I lean my chin on them and close my eyes.

I'm worn out, mentally and emotionally exhausted.

This situation can't go on any longer. I have to find a way to reconcile with Noct and get him to eat regular meals again. No matter the reason, it's getting ridiculous that a week later he's still that upset.

Gladio has often spoken about how spoiled Noct is. He's mentioned many a time that I'm too soft and that I could be much stricter on Noct. He even told me once, during a particularly lengthy stalemate between the two, that I'm primarily at fault for pampering him too much over the years.

He later apologized, but sometimes… especially times like these… I wonder… was Gladio right?

It seems my genuine affection stands in the way of making the right decisions. My continued tolerance of his behavior has prevented me from making proper amends with him. Noct's malnourished, and not sleeping well. It's high time to do something. I have no choice but to come up with something effective to animate Noct to speak to me and eat something other than junk food and cup noodles again.

In the past I'd gone above and beyond to grant Noct as much freedom as he needed. But from now on, I'm afraid this is as far as I can allow his unreasonable sulking to go.

 

***

 

"Noct, the casserole and a dessert are in the fridge. Cinnamon rolls today."

The silence stretches and I sigh softly.

"Prompto came by earlier. He's still waiting for you to reply to his messages. He's worrying himself sick about you."

The silence stretches and I sigh one more time, glaring at his door.

"Gladio gave me a ring today because you haven't answered any of his calls. You have been skipping combat training lately. Do something about that, please. Else I fear he'll hire the Glaives to tear down your apartment soon."

Not even Gladio's warning manages to make him open his door for me.

"Anyway, promise me you'll take care of yourself. I've got to go now, so please try to eat something… and have a good night."

When I get no answer, I do my best to make a lot of noise as I switch off the lights and walk to the corridor to slide on my shoes. I'm especially careful to make a considerable show out of closing the door after myself, the satisfying sound echoing through the hall outside.

But instead of leaving, I stay, walking on tiptoes to tread carefully back into the dark living room.

This is it. I'm done playing this stupid game. Noct leaves me no other option than to resort to extreme measures.

I'll make sure he eats, even if I have to ambush him, hogtie him, and feed him spoonfuls of vedgetables around his gag. As much as the image of him tied up and squirming amuses me, I'm not sure how well it would work practically. And I'm not so sure I trust myself to keep it related to food. And wouldn't that be destroying the boundaries I've carefully set?

Perhaps my own casual perusal of the guidebook's corrupted me in some way. Regardless of hogtie, my own perverted fantasies, or a stern lecture, this ends on my terms. _Tonight._

So while I wait for him to eventually come out of his room, I unbutton and take off my business waistcoat, my fingers loosing up the first few buttons on my undershirt to give Noct a better impression. This isn't one of my usual, formal visits; rather, it's a casual visit from his friend. Taking his anger and frustration into account, if I truly want to get him speaking to me, I have to look more easygoing and relaxed first. That's basic psychology.

I'd previously poured myself a glass of red wine, so I take a few sips to relax and set the glass on the coffee table. The rich flavor rolls over my tongue, and almost immediately the ritual of it clears my mind. I roll my sleeves up and take point: seated on Noct's oft-used comfortable couch, in clear sight of his bedroom door.

Sitting in the darkness, stalking my prey. My eyes adjust to the gloomy apartment. The only thing for me to do now is wait patiently for my target to leave his nest. Deep down this feels exhilarating, as if I am some hunter on a grand quest.

I don't have to wait as long as I expected, to my surprise. Noct soon cracks his door open, and sneaks out of his equally dark bedroom. A quick glance at the clock tells me only three minutes have passed since I sat down.

It's amusing to watch his bare feet tip toe cautiously; to see how he pauses, peeking around the corner of the corridor to see if I'm truly gone. Good thing I hid my shoes away. There's no trace of me left, other than my hidden seat in the opposite direction of where he'd normally look, so I have time to fully enjoy being a voyeur. His shoulders relax as he leans against the wall behind him, obviously under the impression his perceived threat has vacated the premises.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, a small smile appears on my lips.

It's even more humorous to watch Noct make his way toward the fridge. He goes straight for the sweets I made for him. Of course. Why am I not surprised?

It seems he still hasn't detected my presence because he clearly walks in the direction of his couch, totally entranced in the act of devouring his dessert with the hunger of a starved animal.

It's reassuring to see him place the half-empty plate on the coffee table next to my wine glass. Otherwise his carpet would be ruined from the shock he's about to experience.

"At least I know you're not starving yourself to death." My voice floats out of the darkness to him.

Noct lets out a comical shriek, losing his footing and then his body topples right into my lap.

My hands come up to steady him gently. "Careful," I say, enjoying his warmth in my lap far more than I'm ready to admit. I'm certainly enjoying it far more than I should.

"Iggy, it's you," is his immediate, relieved reaction. His eyes search mine in the darkness. "You just freaked the crap out of me."

I try not to laugh. "I apologize, but scaring you was deliberate on my part."

"What?!" He stares at me with wide open eyes, clearly not expecting mischievousness from me. "Why? What's gotten into you?" He supports himself on my shoulders while glancing at the glass of wine next to us. Without skipping a beat, his next, anticipated question is, "Are you drunk?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I say, "No, I'm not. And to answer your previous question, how else did you expect me to get you to come out of hiding?"

Noct has a remorseful expression on his handsome face. "Sorry..." he mutters softly.

Usually this stage would be the one where I would relent and let him off the hook. But not today. So I place my hand on his chin to force him gently but firmly to look back into my eyes. "Noct, I'm afraid, this time a simple sorry won't save you from explaining yourself to me. I won't let you escape into the safety of your room until I get a proper explanation for your sulking. We're friends, despite everything else. You owe me an explanation, at the very least."

He stays silent, his eyes widening slightly at the sight of my unbuttoned undershirt and they follow the visible path of skin which usually is kept hidden underneath the material.

I let go of his chin, trying not to focus on the heat of his firm thighs as he shifts his body around to sit down on my lap. The alluring, clean smell of his favorite shower gel reaches my nostrils immediately, sending up useless messages to my garbled brain cells that he must have taken a bath right before he got out of his room.

As if this startling point of realization wouldn't be enough to occupy my stunned mind, he reaches for my hands to tug them firmly around his slim hips, my fingers inevitably touching the curve of his bottom as he makes them squeeze his firm flesh. The thin material of his loose fitting pajamas leaves nothing to my imagination as he pushes himself against my hands.

Heavens... what is he doing?

The sudden, searing heat overcoming my body makes me breathe hard, a gasp of arousal escaping my lips. A soft, quiet moan reaches my ears, his hips rolling forward until there is no space left between us.

"You want to know? Have it your way then," Noct whispers teasingly against my lips, his breath sweet from the pastries he's eaten a minute ago. "Here's what I have to say..." And then, right when I'm about to open my mouth to ask what he thinks he's doing, he pulls my glasses away from my nose, carelessly throwing them somewhere behind him. The audacity! He brings his trembling hands up to cradle my face, angling my jaw to the side, gliding his hesitant, yet bold fingers up to grip and tug my hair before he crushes his own soft, unrelenting lips on mine.

Truth be told, this definitely wasn't the outcome I had foreseen.

* * *

To be continued...


	4. Heat-wave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya, 
> 
> as promised, two chapters at once ;). Enjoy!
> 
> Kamuel

* * *

The moment I've dreaded has finally caught up to me—I'm about to give in, to surrender to my own desires any second now.

Noct successfully manages to push me further against the soft couch, his small, sensual moans music to my ears as we mesh our lips fervently against another. His excited groin presses insistently against my own with clear intent. And I think to myself: to hell with everything! Nothing's ever felt as satisfying as the sound of Noct's soft moans on my ears. Its accompaniment: my strong resolve to resist his charms shattering into a thousand shining pieces.

My body heats up to the roots of my hair once his questing tongue slips past my open lips, but before any last, weak words of protest can make an attempt to escape, they're immediately swallowed by his clumsy, yet bold tongue-kisses. Even if I wanted to escape, I couldn't. One of his hands clutches the side of my hip enthusiastically, while the other proceeds to hold my jaw desperately in place, pushing my lips wider apart for eager exploration from his sweet and relentless mouth. His thighs straddle my hips much tighter, seeking more friction. I'm trapped underneath his warm weight while his agile tongue wraps sinuously around mine. It's impossible to hold back my own groans of pleasure any longer.

I won't lie, to have Noct in my arms like this does things to me I never expected. My usually clear mind is completely chaotic, my overloaded senses focused on Noct's messy and wet and utterly erotic tongue-kisses, my grip tight on his rolling hips in a futile attempt to slow him down. My mind can't help but be ensnared by his daring seduction.

Eos almighty... how long had Noct been hiding all these strong desires? The need to be touched and devoured seems to bubble out of his pores, an everlasting font of desire. I never would have expected this explosive passion from someone with his shy and cautious personality. May my ancestors forgive me. His enticing smell and taste and touch are the only things I'm able to think about. I can't help but let my emotions get swept up with his.

With every ounce of strength left inside of me I stop Noct's captivating seduction for a moment to get some air into my starved lungs. Which probably wasn't the most clear-headed decision. Streetlight streams into the apartment from the window, illuminating what those intense kisses have done to him. After enough time in the gloom, the evidence is clearly visible. He pulls his shirt over his head, his lean muscles flexing enticingly as he throws the material aside. I hear a low growl of approval, barely registering it's mine. My eager eyes follow each movement he makes. I've never been more grateful for being myopic: Noct is all I can see as I watch on, completely entranced. A sliver of his tongue licks over his red, swollen lips, as if inviting me for another round of tongue sparring. Noct is probably not aware of the lustful, yearning expression he has on his flushed face. His half-lidded eyes gaze intently into mine, the spine-tingling glint inside being reflected by the street lights outside.

Has Noct always been _this_ beautiful?

I have no conscious control over my hands anymore. I observe them, reaching up all on their own to caress his flushed cheeks a few times before I rake those trembling fingers through his messy, soft tresses of hair still damp from his earlier bath. With a sudden pull on the nape of his neck he slides forward onto my lap, groin to groin, chest to chest, so close that our trembling lips are barely touching. Our breaths, heavy in the space between us, mingle. The desire to touch each other grows further between us, a heavy fog of overwhelming hormones we can both feel.

Electrifying sparks of pleasure flicker over my chest as his quivering hands unbutton my dress shirt, warm fingers diving deep to feverishly stroke the heated skin underneath. His eager touch feels immensely satisfying. I choke back a moan; a slight touch and it's already almost too much for me to bear.

"There will be no going back. This will change everything between us. Are you certain you want this?" I ask in a whisper, voice husky, against his open lips.

Noct's half-lidded eyes gaze hungrily into mine. The only answer I get, and the only honest answer I'll probably ever need, is his hand gripping my erection through my trousers, my surprised groan seemingly enough evidence for him to continue to ravish my lips and tongue with fervor.

Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, I feel like a man sentenced to death. Probably for the first time ever, I order my busy mind to stay silent, my hands stroking a fervent path down over his arched spine, eventually gripping and pulling his firm buttocks against me.

As I knead his pliant flesh, Noct throws his head back, groaning ravenously and I take that as my cue to go further. My lips find his revealed throat and I lean forward, lovingly biting and sucking on the delectable looking area around his Adam's apple until I have him fully under me on the couch. Not giving him even a second to catch his breath, I make quick work of his pants, proceeding to pull them down his legs with less grace than I would have done if had I a clear and intact mind instead. I falter once my brain computes he didn't wear underwear tonight. To think, he's been sitting on my lap like this the entire time... My body quivers with want as I inhale a good amount of air and I hastily undo the other buttons on my undershirt to place it aside. I intend on introducing Noct to proper pleasures without any interfering material between us.

The feeling of those heady hormones in the air grows steadily, making both of us tremble with nervous yet sensual anticipation.

Noct arches his back, breathlessly whispering my name once my hand takes hold of his fully engorged cock, gently touching, caressing and stroking to learn his likes and dislikes, bending down to continue ravishing his pliable lips at the same time. The more we kiss each other senseless, the more addicted I become to his unique taste. Slowly we seem to collect experience and the kisses get less messy the longer our lips and tongues dance and rub against another.

His hands come up to grip my hair, holding me close, and I feel his breathy moans vibrate against my damp lips, both of us entirely lost in the haze of the shared sensual moment until his near-silent whimper reaches my ears.

"Ignis, heck… I'll die if you don't hurry up—" With a harsh moan his hips jolt up all at once as I tighten my grip around his arousal. I can take a hint. I can't tease him forever. I quicken the pace of my strokes in the way I usually like to pleasure myself. It's a bizarre sensation, handling his manhood and translating my own stroke for a different angle, on a different form. I'm thankful for his leaking member; his precum makes a natural lubrication that aids the gliding movements of my hand against him. Judging from his reaction, it's even more satisfying to him.

"Like this?" I murmur back, already knowing his response by his breathless, lustful sounds, which only grow in volume once I find the right amount of pressure to stimulate his shaft further. I nibble on those tempting, quivering lips, never getting tired of their taste.

"More?"

Noct can only nod in response, throwing his head deeper into the pillow behind him with a heavy, raspy groan. I feel the veins on his sensitive skin harden between my slick and sticky fingers as they pump him unflinchingly with fast, tight, smooth movements toward bliss. My heart races along with his, the sight of him enjoying my ministrations exciting me beyond belief.

"Close, don't stop..." he murmurs hoarsely, his hand squeezing my arm tightly in warning.

Nothing makes me happier than to answer his wishes, but on the other hand, I don't want this to end so soon. His writhing body under me is incredibly sensuous and seductive… which makes me thirsty to do something daring. Ever since I've glimpsed those handsome men in the magazine and their tawdry practices, I've been curious to try this out...

"Ignis! Wha-!"

I can only bask in Noct's enthusiastic, husky sounds of pleasure, my lips wrapping around his shaft to suckle on the wet, silky skin as if it were a popsicle. His fingers come immediately down to clutch my hair, trying to tug and push to increase the friction against my tongue, but I take a hold of his hand to interlace my own fingers with his trembling ones to ground him. I'm not exactly practiced at this, and breathing while maintaining suction appears to be difficult.

Spreading and mixing his lubricating wetness and my saliva with my tongue, I suddenly pull off, only to reposition and slide his twitching arousal deeper into my mouth. I'm careful of my teeth, hollowing my cheeks to test out various sucking motions. At the same time, I quicken the suction in tempo with the strokes of my fist around the base of his shaft. I've obviously never done something like this before, but somehow I feel proud to see Noct become undone like this by my first try. Keen, hoarse cries of ecstasy are my only cue before the first pulsing stream of his warm and salty semen spurts into my mouth, dripping down and pooling on the surface of my tongue. I pull off in shock, and the rest of his seed fountains up over his tight belly as my fingers pull and pleasures his now slick skin. Perhaps it's the pineapple upside down cake I've made him for two weeks running, but Noct's taste is sweet. I instinctively swallow what little I retained.

Probably a no-no, but we're both relatively new at this. Perhaps not too dangerous, though we probably shouldn't make it a habit.

I look over my handsome charge. I'm utterly lost in my fixation with his beauty, unable to stop staring at his handsome, writhing form. He's too gorgeous as he grits his white teeth in rapture from the intense spurts of his climax. The pleasure continues to rock and overcome his senses. As with everything regarding Noct, I can only marvel at the precious sight that I'm allowed to witness, immediately storing every little detail into my hungry mind.

The orgasm finally subsides, and he collapses back to reality again. Noticing my fervent gaze at his expression, Noct quickly hides his face with his hands, his breathing fast and erratic.

I softly caress his wet belly, playing with the thick, cooling substance around his bellybutton for a while. My hand strokes along his sweaty chest, rubbing his pale skin gently. I'm allowing myself the luxury of enjoying the unique feel of his taut muscles quivering underneath the palm of my hands. How long have I been dreaming about this? I end my trail up his body to his face, slowly pulling his hands away so I can see his beautiful visage.

"Are you all right?" I ask softly. I'm intensely worried that I may have overstepped some boundary I wasn't aware of.

There is a sharp intake of breath that I can't hide after his gaze pierces my own. The open desire on his face, despite the darkness of the room around us, is unmistakable. His blue colored eyes are fiery and stormy, hungry and wild, and before I can even get a grip on my almost painful arousal in answer to his captivating gaze, his arms take a firm hold of my hips.

"Off," he says, tugging at my pants. With an impatient growl he practically rips the belt from the loops and motions for me to divest myself of the last of my interfering clothes. I don't even have enough time to steady myself after I fold them up and stack them. Noct pulls me down, right on top of him, skin to skin, his soft mouth already seeking my own in a dizzying, heady battle of questing tongue and nibbling lips.

Eos, the feel of Noct's naked, soft skin against mine is beyond all description... The steady rush of blood, the curling heat of sexual arousal, Noct's alluring scent all around me... heaven, everything I feel right now makes it so very hard to breathe, to think, to analyze. Noct's feisty hands continue to roam over my skin everywhere they can reach and my erection pulses and throbs with a ferocious need for release against his thigh. This raw _need_ torments me insistently as my fingers claw at his hot skin. I feel as if I'm trying to crawl inside his inviting, blazing warmth. This wash of lust is almost frightening in its intensity. I've never felt like this before.

Noct must intuit how close I am to falling apart because he pauses the intense kissing, urging me to straddle his chest. At first I don't understand his intentions, simply following his movements, but then he clutches my thighs tightly against him, pulling my groin closer to his face until my erection is only a breath away from his lips.

Goddess, what is he up to?

I can only describe the look inside Noct's eyes as carnal before his mouth opens wide, his hands pulling my hips forward until my shaft touches the back of his throat. I'm surprised that he handles this so well, but any further line of thought gets utterly destroyed by his wet cavern and hot tongue and the tightness of his mouth. I close my eyes firmly, unable to endure watching myself thrust in short, slow rocking movements in and out of his glistening lips.

Just one glance at myself in his mouth and it's seared its way into my memory. The thought of it along with the suction, it's almost too much...

Noct squeezes my bottom, coaxing my hips to rock faster, the sucking motions getting noisier and stronger and, bloody hell, I had _no_ idea whatever he's doing would feel so _damn_ _good._ I'm too far gone with searing pleasure to get embarrassed by the smacking sounds which his unbelievably tight lips continue to make against my wet skin. As painfully excited as I am right now, it doesn't take long for Noct to send me over the edge, so I groan out his name in warning, clutching his shoulders, trying to pull my hips away from his firm grip, but Goddess... he just doesn't let me escape.

I shouldn't open my eyes, but I have to. How utterly sexual, how lascivious he is as he continues to pleasure my arousal with the flat of his tongue. It's too perfectly filthy to handle for my extremely over-excited body. His hands hold me close, but only until the first spurt of my climax tells him to pull off. He holds my cock over his face, continuing to stroke my ejaculation over his wide opened lips, tongue and chin with even, strong pulls of his hand. Never before would I have thought I'd ever revel in such a debauched act, but the scorching gaze of Noct's half-lidded eyes, as he watches me melting into a puddle of lust right in front of his smacking lips, makes me gasp for air from the sheer intensity of it.

I can't say for sure how long we gazed into each other's eyes, both panting, both chests heaving, both waiting for our racing hearts to steady again. He pulls me down to lie on top of him and I can't help but enjoy his soft kisses on my skin, his heavy breaths tickling my ear. I nuzzle his damp hair behind his ear, careful not to crush him with my heavy yet trembling limbs, the lethargy of my ebbing climax making it hard for me to focus on anything right now.

The tight embrace as we hold each other is full of unspoken and intense emotions, overriding any feelings of embarrassment or shame we might have felt otherwise.

"Thank you," he whispers next to my ear.

My heart can only jump and stutter.

Noct has uttered those two words to me a few times in the past. They've never carried such gravity or meaning as they do right now.

 

***

 

Soft breaths tickle my ear and I turn my head slightly to take a look at the unusual sight that greets me this morning. This is the first time I've woken up in a different bed than my own.

As soon as my eyes focus on Noct's gorgeous face, all memories from the night before hit me like a tidal wave.

Exhaling a shaky breath, I carefully shift my body sideways to watch Noct sleep. At the moment, it feels as if my thoughts and emotions are racing each other for first place, and it's not easy to make sense out of them.

Lifting my fingers up to Noct's cheek, I look at him fondly while caressing his soft skin in tender motions, being extra careful not to wake him up. I wouldn't want to disturb his sleep. It's Sunday, and this is usually the time he's allowed to sleep in.

So... where do we go from here?

As I take my duty into account, I become painfully aware that I shouldn't allow the events from yesterday to repeat again. My heart doesn't fully agree… not that I need it to. I just have to remind myself why I'm here at all… why I've been allowed to stay at Noct's side. I want to admonish myself, but I can't find the strength to. This doesn't feel wrong. Even if it's been a rare moment of weakness, I have to forgive myself. At the same time, if I were to allow my feelings to lead me on, to lead Noct on, it would only hurt the both of us in the end.

And didn't he ask if he wanted us to learn all this as friends? Better not to let my heart get hurt.

My trembling fingers stroke feather light trails over Noct's soft lips before I pull my hand away and continue to look at his sleeping form. There is an insistent feeling in my chest, a yearning, so strong that I feel heady from its potency.

Love...

Something so valuable and precious surely can't be meant for me. Surely it can't be meant to last...

With a heartfelt sigh, I stand up carefully, placing my glasses back on my nose and make my way to take a shower.

Glancing one last time at Noct, my breath hitches at the serene atmosphere surrounding him. The windows next to the bed are cracked open, and the slightest breeze flutters the curtains around. Like in a fairy tale, the scenery right now reminds me of one of those old, masterfully created paintings, the warm rays of sunshine at dawn illuminating Noct's soft looking expression and accentuating his handsome physique barely hidden by the thin blanket.

He's incredibly beautiful to watch as he sleeps. With sheer strength of will I tear my eyes away from his magnetic pull over me. I'm terrified I won't be able to resist the allure, and that I'll walk straight back to his bed again.

I wouldn't be able to hold back the need to kiss him awake instead.

 

***

 

Several hours later and here I am, in the middle of an important meeting, and honest to Eos, it's been completely unbearable. This sentence certainly sounds foreign to my mind. Never before has it been so difficult to pull myself together.

No matter how many times I try to listen to the conversations around me, my fickle mind continues to drift back to yesterday evening. Back to Noct's hungry tongue-kisses, back to his sensual reactions, back to his keen cries of pleasure and his sinful mouth around my-

"Ignis, how is my son doing these days?"

I'm startled out of my indecent memories, genuinely shocked to see the King standing right in front of me. How long have I been staring into space? I hadn't noticed the meeting end, or the staff around the Citadel being dismissed.

Wonderful. These erotic memories seem to come and go at the entirely wrong place and time. I need to focus. The sensations from last night hang on my very being, as if it were some phantom that loves to haunt me.

"Regis," I say with a smile. Standing up from my chair to greet him with a respectful bow, I hope against hope that my face isn't as flushed as I fear it to be. I've been so distracted I've hardly noticed how much better he seems to be doing today. Already upright and ambulatory, though still paler than I'd like. "Noct is doing well. The final exams are over and now we wait for the results to arrive."

"That's good to hear."

In hindsight, I quickly add, "With your permission, I'd like to allow Noct two weeks' worth of time for recuperation and leisure. After the intense ordeal of his exams, he needs to nourish his body and catch up on sleep."

"Is that so? Pulling all-nighters, eh. Well, that's a very thoughtful suggestion. At least he's been studying. You know, I can't thank you enough for your valuable support and commitment." He says this with a warm expression on his pale face and patting the side of my arm. "I can only hope my son knows to properly cherish your invaluable presence each day by his side."

"I'm sure he does," I say with a soft smile of my own. I try to compartmentalize. I wonder what would happen if Regis really knew what I had done to his son just the night before. It's fruitless to think about it; he doesn't know, and he likely won't. I shouldn't even be thinking about it in front of him. He's so uncannily good at picking up on my expressions that I have, on rare occasions, wondered if he couldn't read my mind.

I take another moment to observe Noct's father's well-being. Today must be a good day, else we wouldn't be here in the boardroom. Despite shuffling around, he still looks weak compared to our last visit.

Regis places his hand on my shoulder, the look in his eyes very gentle. "Forgive me, Ignis, but I'm very drained, and I don't have much energy left for today. Send Noct my regards. Tell him I look forward to his visit next week. And as always, please continue to take care of my son."

"Of course."

I wait for him to leave first before I quietly make my way out of the meeting room as well.

The reality of my situation hits me hard and all of a sudden heavy feelings of dread wreak heavoc in my gut. Having met Noct's father this afternoon is a good reminder to focus back on my vow and duty, and I suddenly feel ashamed that I've overstepped those boundaries so carelessly last night.

As much as it pains me, I clearly need to talk to Noct about us this evening. I need to clear any misunderstandings before they have a chance to manifest and destroy the strong friendship we both share and treasure...

* * *

To be continued...


	5. Hot and Humid Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dear readers, 
> 
> so, next chapter is up. 
> 
> Ignis is about to do something stupid... let's see how it goes ;).
> 
> Hope you're still with me!  
> Have fun reading, and as always, thank you for the wonderful kudos! (I'd love your thoughts on the story so far as well!)
> 
> Let's Go!
> 
> Kamuel

* * *

"Hey, where have you been all day?"

Noct enters the kitchen area and, judging by the raspy tone of his voice, he just woke up from a nap.

My heart jumps with happiness that he waited all day for me to come back. I place the groceries down on the kitchen table and glance up to respond but pause once I see his bare upper body and low-riding sweatpants. They reveal a sliver of trimmed pubic hair on his lower abdomen and for a moment my brain shudders, my mouth badly imitating a suffocating fish.

He yawns and stretches heartily, not aware of his alluring appearance. I stand there, mouth agape still, while he rubs his eyes. He pads closer and greets me with a sleepy but content smile.

"What's wrong? You have a funny look on your face," he says, no longer patient enough to wait until my short-circuited brain cells found their bearings.

"Let's cook together," I blurt out.

He stares at me, taken aback. "Huh?"

I hold my breath. This couldn't possibly be the only intelligent reply I could conjure out of thin air.

I blame my overactive brain. No, scratch that. I blame the brain downstairs, which was overcome by the sensations of the night before and craves more of the same. It's a new sensation, this yearning, but it's hardly surprising: it's a part of me I've ignored all these years and now it's wide awake. Either way, considering the current, startling state of myself, I'd say cooking with Noct is a _bad_ idea. Especially if I'm setting up the old boundaries between us.

"Cooking, sure. I'm down for that," Noct says, agreeably. All it takes is one look inside the grocery bag for his smile to completely vanish. "Carrots, my favorite. You know just how to brighten my day, don't you?"

I suppress the urge to roll my eyes. "Don't start. We both know you'll barely even taste it."

He gives the carrots the evil eye, then turns his head and yawns widely.

"You look knackered."

He holds my gaze. "I am. I have a whole week of sleep to catch up on. But there might be something you could do to make me feel less tired." He smiles at me innocently.

The clueless expression on my face must have encouraged him. Before I'm able to react, his soft lips catch my own in a chaste, tender kiss. Contrary to his reckless seduction techniques yesterday, Noct retreats, looking shyly into my eyes and seeking my permission to continue.

Heaven, chaste or not, _any_ kind of contact with Noct is dangerous.

I steel myself for the inevitable. I lift my shaky hand and caress his cheek with tender motions. He closes his beautiful eyes, a tender smile appearing on his lips and I try not to think this will be the last time he and I are so close to each other...

"Forgive me, Noct. I can't allow this to go any further," I whisper.

Startled, he lifts his head up and frowns at me. "What are you talking about?"

My heart aches, my inner voice protesting loudly and yet… I have to obey my vows.

"You must be aware of my position and the purpose I've been given by your father. What we started yesterday… It can't continue. I won't be a part of it."

Once I see the hurt in his eyes I wish I could take my words back.

"So, that's it? You want to back out before it's too late?"

"You know as well as I do, my duty to the King comes first." The words are bitter fruit.

Noct stares at me with incredulity written over his face. He takes a few steps back and a hollow laugh follows. "Right. Because no matter what, you'll always choose my father's wishes over my own. Why should that ever change?"

What previously sounded logical and right in my head backfires on me pretty quickly. "This isn't as easy for me as you make it sound. It's only because of your father that I'm even allowed to stay so close to you—"

Noct cuts me off, upset, and backs further away from me as he speaks. "No, you know what? I get it. It's all _duty_ to you. And here I thought all this time your friendship, your attention, hell, even what we shared last night might have been genuine."

I feel my face go pale at his unfair accusation. "Noct, I consider you a true friend, I always have. The devotion I feel towards you is sincere."

"Then quit using your damn obligations as an excuse to push me away! You keep running and I'm tired of it," he says hoarsely, his fists clenching and trembling.

My whole body freezes instantly. "What do you mean?"

"A person would have to be completely blind and deaf not to notice the depth of your feelings," he says, taking a shuddering breath. "Nothing I ever said or did worked to change your mind. You're stubborn as an ox. The past few years have been _fucking maddening_. Watching you distance yourself from me, little by little. I hated it. What happened yesterday was me trying to change that."

"Wait, you knew? What gave me away?"

"Seriously?! Everything! Especially the way you always looked at me when you thought I wouldn't notice."

How? I've truly been confident that I've done a good job at keeping my feelings secret ...

After observing my stunned reaction, he continues: "Let's see, remember the porn magazine last month?"

How could I forget?

"That wasn't an accident. I wanted you to find out. The sex toy? Same thing. I knew confronting you directly wouldn't have achieved anything but more distance between us. Imagine my surprise. You exceeded all my expectations. You even got me that damn present last week. What's something like that even supposed to mean? Friends don't buy each other entire sex shops! I almost fucked up my final exams because of that. Even days after, I couldn't stop thinking about you. About the signs. What you really wanted. How you felt. What I wanted," he says. He lifts his hand to lift the hair out of his eyes, and shakes his head. "Iggy, I can't take any more of this. I don't know what to do or say anymore. You can't just let something like this happen and make me think and _want_ these things if you're just gonna run. Just stop caring so much about me, okay? Stop doing all these _stupid_ and _amazing_ things if you don't mean any of this…" and here he gestures between the two of us, "—seriously."

To say I'm surprised by this revelation would be a major understatement.

Noct exhales loudly, placing his hands inside the pockets of his sweatpants and stares expectantly into my astonished eyes, his face in a tight grimace.

Blinking a few times, I clear my throat and look away to think. I feel guilty because I've been such a coward. It seems Noct left enough opportunities open for me to act on my feelings. In the end, I was too afraid, and made everything worse by refusing to listen to my heart. It's been easier for me to hide behind my responsibilities, as usual. What Noct said is true: without his relentless pushing we wouldn't have gotten anywhere. And it's not fair to string him along.

After mulling a few seconds over the events between us for the past few months, I meet Noct's eyes again. We assess each other for a few moments—the conclusion clear as a day.

"I'm an idiot, aren't I?"

The rigid lines on Noct's handsome face turn soft. "Ignis, we danced around each other for almost three years and, _damn_ , now that I've got you, you're not gonna get away."

My sudden, wet swallow must have been heard by everyone else outside, that's how loud it was to my own ears. We look at each other, each one of us revealing their innermost thoughts to the other and the heartfelt emotions reflecting in Noct's eyes keep me stupefied. I had no idea his feelings toward me ran that deep.

"You can keep your duties apart from the things we do in private. Those separate things can co-exist, believe it or not," he says.

For whatever reason, such an option—having my cake and eating it, too—never occurred to me. The fear of disappointing Regis in any way was entirely too overwhelming. I don't know what to say. Standing there with my mouth agape, my yearning heart relentlessly gallops with unsteady beats at the prospect of being able to retain this _perfect madness_ between Noct and I.

He takes one step closer. "No one needs to know."

"That isn't what I'm worried about-"

"Then what's the problem?" Noct takes another step toward me. "My future? What they'll think at the Citadel if everyone found out? Let's just focus on today. On the here and now. Nothing else matters."

He must have noticed the tension inside of me lessening because he closes the distance between us and takes my hand into his own. He caresses my palm with gentle strokes and my whole body shivers with pleasure from being so close to him again.

"If there ever was a time I needed you by my side, it's now. I don't expect undying promises of eternal love. We'll take it one step at a time, you know? Just the two of us. And then we'll see how it goes from there."

Unable to hold my gaze after opening himself so, Noct glances sideways instead, his ears and cheeks reddening adorably.

I decide to ease the tension by teasing him instead. "I'm genuinely surprised. You sound all grown up."

He throws me a meaningful glance. "What can I say? I have a decent teacher."

With that, the strained tension between us completely vanishes. For one moment, my throat feels as if it's squeezed tightly by the invisible hands of my past fears. Nothing ever felt as _raw_ as the realization that I could have lost Noct today.

The relief inside of me must show visibly on my face because Noct embraces me with such tenderness. Exhaling a shuddering breath, I hug him back and place a loving kiss on the top of his head. That Noct is willing to forgive my cowardice feels indescribable. His warmth in my arms soothes any anxieties I had left. He squeezes me tighter and I nuzzle the soft skin under his ear in response, savoring his incredible kindness like a sentenced man who's been given a second chance at life. Truly, what a fool I've been for wanting to deny either of us precious moments like these...

"Forgive me, Noc-" He clamps his hand over my mouth.

"Oh shut it and kiss me already. This time I won't let you destroy the mood." He drops his grip away from my lips.

A chuckle escapes me. I look at him fondly and place my hands on each side of his cheeks to lift his head up, badly needing to see those miraculous eyes again. "I see I've spoiled you far too much," I say.

"Yep. The most important question: whatcha gonna do about it?" Noct's smile is playful and breathtaking all at once.

My deadpan reply is instant. "Make Gladio's worst nightmares come true. I'll spoil you even more. What else?"

Noct's soft laughter is infectious. His distinct eyes shine with mirth.

At that moment everything around us stands still.

Without any further delays, I tilt my head and meet his smiling lips with my own. He shivers, gasping in delight and then kisses me back with nibbling, lazy brushes of warm lips. The way he holds me and the way he whispers my name, it's as if all the desperation and furious haste from the night before has been replaced by contentment and certainty. Every slight slide and brush of our kisses sends sparks of pleasure through my body, so I glide my hands over the soft skin of his spine to pull him closer and to give back as much as I receive.

It doesn't take long for our breaths to quicken and for his hands to pull up my shirt, his questing fingers slowly roaming underneath the material. Before the kisses can take a passionate and heated turn, I stop him gently and remind him of something more pressing.

"You haven't eaten anything worthwhile today. Let's have an early dinner first, and then I want to take my time pleasuring you in ways I always wanted but never had the chance to do before."

Noct's gaze turns fiery, his fingers playing with the waistband of my trousers. "How about you treat me now, and we save dinner for later?"

I chuckle, pushing his questing hands playfully but firmly away. "Trust me when I say, after I'm done with you dinner will be the last thing on your mind."

"Heh, sounds terrifying. Tell me more."

At his mischievous, keen expression, I relent and offer one hint. "The book I gave you... there were some interesting things I found that I'd like to try with you. Intense things. Only if you're still open to it, of course."

Noct's eyes widen with intrigue. "Absolutely. You've read it, then?"

"I did. I'd been curious initially, but never saw myself making use of the advice written within. I suppose things change quicker than we'll ever know."

"Sounds good. Count me in," he says. He hides a sweet smile, gnawing on his lower lip with his teeth and I have to stifle a laugh when he starts rocking back and forth on his bare feet, unable to contain his excitement. To see this carefree, adorable side of him again is charming. Going by Noct's answer, my mission to make him gravely interested was a major success, so I roll up my sleeves to remind him we still have some business left to do.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Wash and cut the vegetables like I showed you last time."

He breathes out an insufferable sigh and replaces the cute look on his face with a scowl. "Right. Let's get this over with," he says, grabbing the grocery bags and carelessly pouring out the contents on the kitchen table.

We prepare our dinner in tantalizing silence, each one of us lost in our own thoughts. Noct's loving and burning eyes follow me with each movement I make... and _bloody hell_ , it's not easy to keep my hands to myself at all.

 

***

 

"By the way, you have your father's permission for two weeks off from your duties. If you'd like, we can go on a trip, maybe visit some places you've been eager to see again. I'm sure you'd agree you've been trapped in your rooms for far too long."

Noct glances up from his food, his face beaming with joy.

"...and also, I think it's high time for me to move into your apartment. By now, you have learned to keep your room tidy, after all. Gladio will cease teasing me about it, Prompto will finally stop stalking me and your father will-"

My heart stutters and flutters in my chest, all further words dying on my lips, when Noct jumps up from his seat to walk straight up to me. His smile is almost blinding.

I'm stunned, frozen in place after earning myself a fierce kiss. He ends the reckless kiss with a smacking sound, leaving my vision blurry and glasses askew, and I grumble to myself, squinting and pushing them back on my nose. But Noct has other plans for the interfering item, placing my spectacles back on the table instead. Before I'm able to protest, he holds my chin up and this time, he takes my breath away with a sensual kiss. I can't resist him as other open-mouthed kisses follow, a second, a third, and fourth of the same stunning kind. By the sixth I started losing count.

There is this new, electrifying connection between us and it devolves into messy, feverish tongue-kisses. Those always grossed me out when I glimpsed other paired lovers do it. At least I understand them. No one ever told me before how glorious these would feel. I never knew that having Noct's insistent tongue in my mouth could be that _damn_ sexy. The welcome, agile and wet muscle furiously tangles, rotates and battles with my own over and over until my whole body clenches up with thick, heavy desire. I'm on the brink of foregoing all of my plans for tonight and claiming Noct right here and now.

Instinct tells me to take the lead and change the angle of his mouth to get some oxygen back into my brain, but one second I'm gasping and the next second I have him crawling into my lap. I pull him down and thrust my pelvis up to meet his and what happens next I can only describe as sex with our clothes on. At the onslaught of untamed arousal, we both breathe out a tormented moan against each other's open mouths, panting heavily, hips furiously grinding and hands clawing desperately at each other. I blindly follow my instincts to thrust up and Noct curses under his breath, pressing himself fully against me and holding my head tightly in place to voraciously deepen the meshing of our mouths with renewed vigor. If I thought Noct's tongue kisses felt amazing earlier, it doesn't compare to how they feel now. The heat between us escalates and Noct struggles to rip open my trousers, hungrily groping a feel of my painful hardness. I'm close to losing my goddamn mind again! I absolutely hate to be the one pushing him away but I need to stop us before our first time winds up being right on the dining table.

I avoid his beautiful face, aware of how his flushed expression affects me, and speak in a husky tone. "Enough. Finish your meal already. I can see how impatient you are for the events that will follow after."

"Oh, you have no idea," he says, breathing heavily. The fervid heat of his body sitting on my lap is unbearable to my aroused state of mind. His reluctance to let go of me would have been funny if I didn't feel the same way about him.

Finally, he takes his seat again, his attention focused on me instead of the plate. His fierce, beautiful eyes are alight with need and I wish he would stop giving me those sultry looks because they're tempting me to throw caution to the winds.

I lick over my wet, throbbing lips and feel absolutely overwhelmed with longing, already missing Noct's unique feel and taste on my tongue. I know it's a futile attempt but I shake my head regardless in hopes of clearing up some of the dizzying craving.

Somehow, I manage to stand up despite my shaky legs. The cutlery slips out of my hand while I'm on my way to place my empty plate on the kitchen sink and with a heavy sigh I bend down to clean up my mess. With utmost care I adjust my uncomfortably tight trousers around my crotch and order my quivery feet towards the corridor, praying I'll get there in one piece.

Because of Noct's smoldering presence I'd completely forgotten to grab my keys, so I stumble slightly over my shoes in order to go back and retrieve them.

"Care to tell me what you're doing?"

Noct's amused question makes me falter in my steps and I foggily attempt to retrieve a smart answer. In the end, I get no helpful feedback from my mushy brain. Everything I feel right now seems completely focused on and around my throbbing cock. It's maddening!

How do I explain to Noct that I need to get away? That his presence is like an addictive drug, capable of eliminating every last scrap of my sanity? How on Eos do I explain that he's in danger of getting wildly pounded right here on the floor and that he's too precious to allow that to happen?

"I need to run some errands," I say, my voice strained. "Can I get you anything?"

"Yeah, how about another kiss before you go?"

I glance over my shoulder at the same time as he turns around to face me. He spreads his legs apart after casually leaning back in his chair, waiting.

My eyes get immediately drawn to the place he's implying receiving a kiss at and I inhale greedily for air and force myself to breathe out slowly.

 _D_ oes Noct have _any_ idea what he's doing to me? His cheeky, come hither gaze doesn't help this hazardous situation at all. The sexual tension between us is like volatile fireworks glowing, iridescent sparks of lust he summons from within me threaten to crack open my skull and demolish any last bit of self-control. Damn it all, all my brain can do is compute nonsense and I need to leave, now _._

"See you later," I barely manage to choke out. I find myself in a state of desperate need for fresh air. Not wasting any more time, I quickly disappear behind the corner of his living room and manage to scare myself by knocking down the umbrella stand in my haste.

"Come on, Iggy," he calls, a sexy whine following. "You can't leave me alone like this. You said you'd spoil me."

"You'll survive for a bit," I say offhandedly, putting my shoes on in a hurry. My hands tremble non stop. I honestly can't remember that tying shoelaces has ever been this complicated before. "I'll be back in half an hour."

"But life is so dull without you. What should I do with myself while you're gone?"

I snort, amused at his cute but poor attempt to make me stay. "Clean the kitchen, what else?"

A groan dripping with exasperation is the only response I get from him before my unsteady feet lead me out of his apartment and my unsteady hands shut the entrance door after myself.

I take a moment to lean my forehead on the cool, wooden surface and allow myself to let out a silent, tortured moan. I feel lost. I won't lie, my whole being is torturing me with shameless urges to go back inside and claim Noct mindlessly in various outrageous positions against the wall. It's only thanks to my heart that my strong resolve for us to make proper love didn't falter.

It takes me a few minutes to take notice of the strange blurriness all around me. And, once I understand the source behind it, I laugh out loud.

It figures!

I forgot my glasses.


	6. Hot and Humid Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dears, 
> 
> nothing much left to say. Truthfully, I'm a little bit sad that nobody is sharing their thoughts with me, but regardless, all is well. 
> 
> We're getting closer to the last chapter now. Last one will be from Noct's point of view, please look forward to that one ;). 
> 
> Have fun reading!   
> Let's Go!
> 
> Kamuel

* * *

 

Noct's beautiful eyes gaze at me with confusion.

"Uh, let me repeat that. You want us to have a bath? As in, _together_?"

"Exactly."

Now that Noct and I are in his room, kitchen area cleaned, stomachs full and content, the time has come to pamper Noct with every trick in the book of pleasure. If he's felt anything remotely close to what I have while I was off buying bath salts and oils, I know he's been on pins and needles, ready to finally indulge.

Noct's skin flushes red. He's certainly a delightful puzzle. Is he suddenly bashful? That reaction is understandable. Despite our close friendship, we've never taken a bath or a shower anywhere near each other before.

"The instructions inside the book were clear. A warm bath is supposed to relax our bodies and minds first," I explain calmly.

In truth, I'm anything but calm inside. Noct's reckless tongue-kisses from earlier kicked my mental processor into an endless feedback loop: inflamed thoughts about him and I flutter like butterflies in my stomach. I can barely keep myself under control.

I was gone longer than I wanted to be; a whole hour back at my flat after a quick jaunt to the sex shop in Insomnia proper. I occupied myself by, what else, studying. I sought sage advice from the world of books, which, like usual, didn't let me down. Refreshed, educated, and now classically trained on the ins and outs of gay sex, I found myself prepared for the next step, and swung by again to pick up more supplies on the way here.

I'm sure the clerk has no idea what sort of monster he's created.

Still, the two hour round trip I spent away from the alluring man before me was hardly long enough to calm my terrible excitement. And reading those books made the anticipation much worse, as expected. To gain control over my nerves, I walk around his bedroom and double-check that all the steps are in place for a thorough, sensual, full body massage.

Noct stares, wide-eyed, at his surroundings. The curtains are drawn shut, and the lights are dimmed. Fluffy towels are laid out on his spacious bed. Incense sticks burn, their sensual plumes of smoke slowly filling the room with the exotic aroma of sandalwood, his favorite. I place massage oil next to his bed. Planning even further, I also place a bottle of that special potion and, just in case, the condoms next to it. My intent for tonight can't get any clearer than that.

His elegant eyebrows rise up high into his hairline. I clear my throat and fill in his silence with a nonchalant explanation. "It's called a sensual full-body massage for a reason. You get to decide how far we'll go. No matter how far you decide to go, let me warn you right now: after so much lost time pining and longing for you, my hands refuse to stay still. I'm going to make you aroused, make you moan, and make a satisfied mess out of you by the end of the night. That I can promise."

Noct bites on his lower lip, his far away gaze lingering on the items next to his bed.

"Second thoughts?" I ask.

"No way in hell," he says huskily, sounding out of breath. "Just took a moment to appreciate how weird—and I mean that in a good way—this evening turned out to be. After everything, you and I... finally..."

We share a meaningful glance and I smile softly. "Go on, make yourself ready for the bath, else the water runs cold."

I walk across the room and turn up the heater to achieve a pleasant temperature for later. Noct still hasn't moved an inch from his position, still staring at the lube bottle in a dazed manner and, not for the first time this evening, I wonder what's going on inside his head...

I close the gap between us and stand in front of him. As expected, the air around us charges abruptly with heat. Can't say if it's the magical connection or something else that gives me more insight into his moods and feelings. How come I never felt that before?

The true level of Noct's excitement is obvious once I begin unbuttoning my shirt. His eyes caress the revealed skin of my chest and belly, the intense gaze rousing the fluttering in my gut with mutual want.

Noct is the only man I know able to pull off being shy and seductive at the same time. He steps out of his sweats, toeing them off coyly, leaving him completely naked to my eager eyes. The view causes my heart to race. Noct's half-hard erection nestles proudly between his firm, pale thighs, and when I see it the ripple of desire in my chest feels devastating. My own member, still confined in my snug briefs, swells and pulses pleasantly in response to the visual stimulation. Contrary to my expectations, he doesn't shy away from my appreciative gaze at his entirety.

Heaven, he's gorgeous...

The urge to touch and taste Noct returns with sudden vehemence, but for now, I have something else in mind. We'll take a slower approach than yesterday. I might be inexperienced, but I've come prepared with knowledge. Tonight I know what to expect, and what I want to achieve. And I know how to get there.

By the time I'm undressed, Noct is already inside the bathroom. So I catch up with him just in time to watch him climb into the bath tub with a content sigh and hide himself beneath the bath foam. Noct's eyes follow me all the way until my body occupies the other half of the tub. We sit face to face surrounded by the aromatic, steamy water and I try not to react visibly to his scorching gaze. To distract myself I place my glasses on the shelf next to me and then lean back to relax.

Our legs inevitably touch inside the narrow space. Every single movement of his soft skin on mine is intoxicating and thrilling. And I need more.

"Come here," I say softly, motioning with my hand for him to turn himself around and join me.

He doesn't hesitate, holding himself up on each side of the bathtub to swiftly change his position. I make some room for him, spreading my legs further apart so he's able to lean back on my chest whilst I wrap my arms around him lovingly. I hear a breathless moan before he fully relaxes against me.

Both of us stay silent, savoring each other's close presence for a few minutes. It's an entirely new experience for us and I can't describe how much I enjoy holding Noct in such an intimate way.

It doesn't take long until our senses are attuned to each other's closeness. The light scent of sandalwood reaches the interior of the bathroom and Noct inhales sharply, his spine arching and a contented sigh following.

"Feeling good?" I ask next to his ear, already having an inkling of his answer by the way his shaky breaths hitch.

"Yeah, fantastic actually..."

"Perfect," I murmur in response and his body quivers. The resulting unsteady, slippery contact of skin gives me goose bumps of pleasure.

All we do for now is hold one another, yet with each heavy breath we take the gentle waves of water further deepens the awareness we have of each other. The longer Noct and I stay immersed, the more excited and desperate we become for _something_ to happen. I'm positive that by now he can feel the heavy beats of my heart bumping against his back. With each shaky exhale of air, the anticipation builds up relentlessly and I embrace him tighter to myself.

There is this irresistible pull inside of me to kiss and fondle Noct everywhere and I'm getting light-headed because of it. I can't reign in that heady feeling any longer; my lips are already starting their sensual play over his warm, wet skin with languid yet heated open-mouthed kisses.

Noct arches against my groin, tilting his head to the side as a helpless sound of rapture escapes him and I seize the moment, sliding my tongue up to his earlobe, my teeth gently tugging and scraping on the tender skin I find there.

"Iggy..."

Noct's low, raspy voice goes straight to my cock and I gasp against his wet skin. Tucking his reaction into my memory, I tease the sensitive spot some more and in response his rear writhes, rubbing me into full hardness while I continue to lavish all my attention to the delectable skin in front of me. His skin is sweet and salty, the bath foam a bitter counterpart. With the flat of my tongue I follow some enticing trails of water drops, from his flushed neck all the way down to his shoulder blades, in search for more sensitive spots.

I won't lie, it's getting more and more difficult to keep myself calm. I thought if I could allow myself a little touch, a little taste of Noct, my hunger would lessen... Instead, I want more.

"Fuck... touch me properly, won't you? Can't stand the heat between us any longer," Noct whispers brokenly.

"Patience," I whisper back.

I'm aware that Noct reacts so strongly to the stimulation because he's just as touch-starved as I am. I feel the same way and that's the reason why I want to take all the time in the world to indulge him as much as possible. Tonight is important, a memory that's going to last us a lifetime. As corny as that sounds, mindlessly rushing our first time would only cheapen the experience, I feel.

"How can you be so calm, when all I can think of right now is impaling myself on you and fu—"

I interrupt his speech immediately with a firm pinch on the hard nubs of his chest. "You can put that word right out of your mind. You'll learn sharing sensuality involves much more than simple fucking," I say firmly.

"Right now I don't give a damn about that as long as you _do_ something _."_ He lifts his arms above his head to tug on my hair, yanking my face closer to his own and aiming for an open-mouthed kiss.

"All in good time," I say, evading his lips. I gently place a small kiss on his brow instead, and chuckle at his forlorn sounding whine.

I have to say that I'm intrigued by the feel of the erect nubs between my fingers, so I twist and play with each one to satisfy my curiosity. They are surprisingly soft, yet firm, pointed and terribly sexy. Noct alternates between whimpering pitifully and hissing with pleasure. With that, my curiosity piques even more. I'd never given it any thought before, but it appears that women's breasts aren't the only ones sensitive to stimulation... I'll have to keep that in mind for later.

For the time being, I hunger to hear more titillating sounds from Noct, so I reach to grab a fluffy washcloth from the shelf next to us. After letting it soak a little bit in the hot water, I alternate between gently stimulating his chest and pectorals with the wet, slippery material and my fingers, over and over again. I'm deeply fascinated by Noct's response as he writhes in my arms, his bottom rocking back and forth as it further arouses my groin... and heaven, the utterly soft, erotic sighs that come out of those full, perfect lips make me dizzy all over again. Maybe that's why I grow bolder in my experiments, petting and bathing his slightly freckled, pale skin in front of me with fiery rubbing motions, careful of showering each spot that I can reach with deliberately slow, heated open-mouthed kisses right after. The entire time I make sure that my eyes stay glued on his beautiful profile. I focus on those fluttering, long, black eyelashes and on the tiny creases between his eyebrows which only deepen as my hands touch areas we both never knew were sensitive. I take special care to trail the soft washcloth over each spot of skin that my hand can reach and then stop at his groin area. Eager to see more of his exquisite expressions, in a sudden inspiration I reach down and enclose his testicles in my hand to give them a tentative roll.

" _Ignis..._ " he hisses softly.

Noct doesn't disappoint. The expressions of desire on his face grows more and more intense and I find myself unable to breathe, unable to stop staring as I resume the gentle tugging and rubbing on the tender bag of his hot skin in my hand. The way Noct's eyelids flutter close, the way his upper lip trembles and the way his hips thrust down on my hand to get more relief... honestly, I can't describe how keen I am to learn more. I begin to feel drunk observing Noct, so I lean my forehead on his shoulder for a moment to take a shaky, deep breath. I'm so smitten with him it's almost scary. He doesn't know what he's doing to me...

Noct curses under his breath, his own hand quickly joining mine and impatiently guiding my fingers up to his arousal, but I only massage the place around it with feather light movements instead.

"Cock-tease...," he whispers accusingly, biting on his lower lip and looking as if he's getting tortured by me right now.

With a slight growl, I take a firm hold of his length and murmur hotly in his ear, "If I were teasing you, it would feel like this..."

"Eos, yes, anything..."

He leans his head on my shoulder with a soft cry as I pleasure him underneath the water with sudden swift strokes of my hand until his breathless and raspy sounds of ecstasy grow louder and huskier, warning me of how close he is to reach his climax. With a strength I hadn't known I possessed, I will my hand to let go of his throbbing shaft, enclosing my fingers further down around the base in a firm grip while gently pushing his testicles backwards to effectively stop his urge to ejaculate. I'm glad I can use this knowledge tonight to prolong Noct's pleasure.

" _This_ would be me teasing you..." I say hoarsely, keeping my hand completely still. "Keep calling me a tease and I'm going to tease you until you won't know where up and down is anymore."

"Tempting... but duly noted." He huffs, catching his breath. His flushed, lean upper body trembles in my arms and a cheeky, sexy smirk appears on his pouty lips. "So.. what's next?"

Like yesterday, I look up into his half-lidded eyes and find myself captured by the feral emotions inside. Honestly, I didn't intend for the cleaning ritual, or whatever name that damn sex guiding book gave this _madness,_ to get as intensely sexual at such a fast pace. But seeing Noct all lost like this, I can't hold back. I want to touch him more. So I resume with languid strokes, this time taking my sweet time to explore each variety of his shape and the velvet contours over his wet skin. Questing fingers glide against each protruding vein and I enjoy the feel of the utterly soft and smooth surface immensely. Pulsing, warm and heavy in my hand, his cock is throbbing and alive between my fingers and it feels so _damn_ arousing, I could touch him all day. Noct's raspy moans combined with his shudders whenever I stimulate an erogenous spot make my mind spin with images almost too hot to handle. Yesterday, the same experience felt like a blur. I was swept away by the hormones and heated moment. But today, I eagerly take in all impressions of Noct's body, so similar yet so different to my own, and I absolutely revel in each of them.

Noct's hips jolt up above the water, clearly seeking more friction. My eyes immediately feast upon the sight of his long, slightly curved arousal. My brain ceases to function. I watch helplessly as my thumb draws tantalizing circles over the red, angry looking slit, smearing the drops of pre-ejaculate I find there, and I take the same thumb between my lips to taste and suck it clean. Still sweet, indeed.

"Iggy, fucking hell, you drive me crazy..." he murmurs, turning his head to nibble sexily on my cheek, darting his wet tongue out to lick over the corner of my lips, and then, all of a sudden, we kiss fiercely.

He thrusts his hips up into my loose fist again and again and I tighten my grip around him. Noct lets loose a long moan right into my mouth, and bloody hell, in this bloody moment, I _want_ him. Any restraint I once had starts to crumble the longer we keep this lunacy up.

Right now I want to throw him onto the floor and devour him whole. Right now I badly need to lick him all over and bury my tongue deep into him before I plunge my cock relentlessly into his tight, wet heat. I want to experience all that and more. The content of that damn book screams at me to put it to good use right now. How I want to feel my body strain from exertion as I hold Noct against the wall and lunge, ramming inside of him over and over. I want to see him become shameless, untamed and wild with abandon as he rides me into oblivion. Every inch, every ounce of my body screams at me to just take what I want and to lose myself into Noct's essence completely.

Yet, I remind myself to stay strong. It's only lust clouding my mind. Holding firmly on to my ideals has never been harder.

Noct is precious, and this is neither the time nor the place to satisfy my selfish desires. I remind myself of my plans and of my own promise to stick to the content of my course material no matter what.

I stop the frantic kissing and painfully hold in my scourging desire by reaching for the washcloth instead, but Noct's lips follow the stream of saliva on my chin back up to my mouth, joining our tongues into another heated dance so painfully similar to the act of sex itself that I can only breathe out his name after a anguished moan escapes my lips. It takes everything in me to wrench myself away again and I growl, frustrated with myself at my inability to keep calm, then continue to scrub down both of us with hurried movements in between heavy breathing.

Noct curses once more, his hot puffs of breath caressing the side my face. "Fuck... if our positions were reversed I'd already be all over you. Your self-control is legendary, and your resolve must be made out of steel. But so is my cock, and this is _bloody_ annoying. How the hell do you do it?"

"It's easy, I don't want us to fuck," I answer hoarsely, shrugging.

Noct narrows his eyes and the corner of my mouth twitches with humor at the funny look he's unintentionally giving me.

"Three years of pining after your hide have been enough time to master my self-restraint. Though, there might have been some nights here and there when dreams of you have given me blue balls," I admit reluctantly.

Noct's bright eyes flicker with an undefined emotion, as if he just figured something out. The playful atmosphere around us changes into a serious one and I feel trapped by Noct's knowing look.

In an attempt to distract his thoughts, I add, ""What I mean is, let's turn this into something meaningful. Tonight is all about you."

I seem to have just confirmed his line of thought because he turns slightly to gently cup the side of my face. "I've been so self-absorbed with everything going on in my life that I never noticed anything you've needed..."

I swallow wetly and close my eyes to escape his bright, penetrating eyes.

"No, look at me," he says gently, "This is not only about me. You're important, too. You need to care for yourself more, Iggy. No, _I_ need to care for you more. I feel stupid for not realizing this sooner. You've given so much of yourself to me already, it's high time to allow yourself room for happiness as well."

"I _am_ happy," I say and meaning it, placing my hand over his own and leaning into it. "Nothing makes me happier than seeing your smiling face every day."

Noct hisses something that sounds suspiciously like, "You big, sweet idiot," and then, without any warning, he crushes my mouth with his.

Swift, frenzied and unrelenting. A rough meeting of lips meant to ignite another douse of flames full of passion in each one of us, and leave us both ravenous for more. His knees and elbows bump sharply into mine. Water splashes out of the bath tub as he turns himself around in my arms for better access, his lips still steadily ravishing my own. He wraps his arms around my neck to steady himself, his hands holding my head into place and this time I'm unable to escape. I'm unable to stop him. His right hand finds my cock and sudden, steady shocks of pleasure bring me closer and closer to that place where I fear to lose my mind.

"Tonight is all about sharing," he murmurs, in between wet, delicious kisses. He pleasures my painful arousal with determined pumping motions. "Tonight is all about us, both of us giving back as much as receiving..."

His hips undulate and I feel his own cock seeking friction against me. My hand joins his, repeating his strokes on his slick skin. That velvet, smooth surface against mine makes my heart race. The heady smells around us amplifies my arousal and he's so close to me and so hauntingly beautiful that I can't help but take delight in every sensation he provides me with and moan huskily into his mouth for more. I don't even recognize the sound of my voice anymore. Damp, hot breaths tickle our faces and we take a moment to gaze deep into each other's eyes and this time, I know I can't hold it in, already feeling my climax approaching with vehemence. Noct's grip on me tightens, the feel of his slippery hand is unforgiving and liberating and so damn _good_ and fulfilling and then there's only rising ecstasy. Fierce, piercing, breathtaking. Just when a hoarse cry tries to escape, Noct smothers it down and drinks it eagerly with a harsh, bruising kiss. His moans of rapture reverberate between my open lips and his own seed joins mine as our hands pleasure each other until the strokes become too sensitive and uncomfortable for us.

Breathing hard, chest heaving, Noct showers gentle kisses all over my face and holds me close. Heaven... the vibrant afterglow makes me feel more alive than I have ever felt before.

After a minute of silence full of content and pure relief, Noct chuckles softly, running his clean hand over my sweaty hair and placing a loving kiss on the tip of my nose as he connects his beautiful eyes with mine. "I guess this should do. We've calmed down enough for that special massage to happen, don't you think? I want to bask in the feel of your hands without my dick happily waving in front of your face every time you come close to it."

A soft laugh escapes me, the sudden image appearing in my mind too amusing.

He cradles my smiling face against his, embracing me lovingly. "Seriously, though. Stop holding yourself back. Stop thinking about my needs only and let me take care of you, too."

"All right..." I murmur softly, capturing his full lips to suck on them with tender nips.

If possible, I've fallen in love with Noct even more tonight.

* * *

 

To be continued...

 

 


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